138: Why You’re Obsessed with People Who Hurt You (And How to Finally Stop) With Nicole Vignola

The Sabrina Zohar Show

Mental Health, Education, Relationships, Self-improvement, Society & Culture, Health & Fitness

4.9 • 4.8K Ratings

🗓️ 9 May 2025

⏱️ 53 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Are you tired of replaying the same scenarios in your head, checking their socials, and wondering why you can’t let go—even when you know they’re wrong for you? In this episode of The Sabrina Zohar Show, neuroscientist and author Nicole Vignola breaks down exactly what’s happening in your brain when you’re stuck on someone who isn’t right for you. From the dopamine loops that keep you addicted to the anticipation of a text to the childhood patterns shaping your attachment style, we dig into the neuroscience of obsession and how to actually break the cycle.

You’ll learn why your brain seeks intermittent rewards, how to interrupt obsessive loops, what the default mode network has to do with emotional spirals, and the role of self-compassion in rewiring your brain. Nicole also shares tools like cognitive reframing, dopamine redirection, and the physiological sigh to help regulate your nervous system and regain control. If you're stuck in a spiral post-breakup or can’t stop thinking about someone who isn’t showing up for you, this episode is your science-backed roadmap to let go for good.

Want to dive deeper into this? Check out Nicole’s book Rewire, and don’t forget to subscribe to The Sabrina Zohar Show for more brain-based dating and relationship tools.

MERCH IS NOW AVAILABLE!

Stuck After the Podcast? Master Implementation in 8 Weeks with Sabrina's Foundation Course HERE!
Do you feel like your emotions run the show and react in ways you can’t control? Join the Nervous System 101: Navigating the Unknowns In Early Dating from Sabrina and Masha Kay HERE!
Struggling with a breakup? Join the Make It Make Sense: Getting Through a Breakup course from Sabrina and Britt Frank HERE!

Get Ad free HERE!
Want to work with Sabrina? HERE!
Don't forget to follow Sabrina and The Sabrina Zohar Show on Instagram and Sabrina on TikTok! Video now available on YOUTUBE!

Please support our sponsors!
Drug-free AshwaMag can help you feel calm, relaxed and focused. Go HERE! and use code SABRINA at checkout to get 20% off your first order and free shipping.
Shop SKIMS Ultimate Bra Collection and more at Skims HERE! Select "podcast" in the survey and be sure to select The Sabrina Zohar Show in the dropdown menu that follows.
Get $10 off and FREE shipping at Nutrafol HERE! Code is SABRINA
Head to Minnesota Nice HERE! and use the code SABRINA22 for 22% off your order

Disclaimer: The Sabrina Zohar Show, formally known as Do The Work, is not affiliated with A.Z & associates LLC in any capacity.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	Hey, girl. Thank you. Oh, my God. I'm so excited to have you back. I'm back. Yay. I'm so excited.
0:06.0	And again, you came just for me. I did. Well, I wasn't hunting to beach. But still, you came to America just for me.
0:12.0	Yes, I did. I did. Oh, technically. Technically did. Okay, well, not that delusional. Yeah, no, no, I literally came for your party.
0:19.1	No, it didn't happen. Go fires. You know, I'm still here and I'm so excited.
0:22.5	My girl.
0:23.3	Oh, dude, okay.
0:24.2	Could you introduce yourself a little bit in your brilliance and who you are because some of our audience knows you and some of them don't yet.
0:30.0	So if you don't know me, my name is Nicole Vignola.
0:34.5	I am a neuroscientist and author. And just all around your girl to know what's going on in your brain. The thing that I do the most, I think, is explain patterns or what's going on. So like the everyday stuff. And I'm like, it's not you with your brain. You're not crazy.
0:51.3	Many of times I say that. Yeah. Well, that's why I'm excited because today,
0:55.6	you know, I've talked about limerence. I've talked about like, oh, why you can't get over
0:58.5	people, but there is so much more to the brain than even, I mean, obviously, than I know. I
1:02.9	didn't study this specifically. But you, I mean, when I talk to you, you'll, like, I don't know what that means. So for today, we're going to really talk about,
1:11.5	like, why your brain gets obsessed with the wrong people and how to stop it. Because I've been
1:16.3	guilty of it. I know a lot of people have. And I know that, like, yep, thank you. I was going to say,
1:21.2	do you have any personal experience where you have just been condition? Did she write a whole book. Great. That's another one.
1:32.2	Because I remember, I mean, for me, the amount of times, sometimes it wasn't necessarily limerence, you know what I mean?
1:33.3	Like, it wasn't that I didn't know who these people were and it was just me creating
1:36.9	narratives.
1:37.6	Sometimes I was really enamored with people that just weren't treating me the way that I should
1:42.0	be.
1:42.3	And I would see them a lot.
	...

Please login to see the full transcript.

Previous episode | Next episode

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from The Sabrina Zohar Show, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of The Sabrina Zohar Show and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.