#135: A Christmas Blast from The Shallow Past

The Shallow End

John Elliott and Lindsay Schnebly

Society & Culture, Comedy, History

4.9 • 612 Ratings

🗓️ 25 December 2024

⏱️ 30 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

It’s the most wonderful time of the year—when you’re permitted (and strongly encouraged) to sip eggnog and pretend you forgot that embarrassing childhood performance of “Jingle Bells” on your parents’ camcorder. But guess what? We didn’t forget. And we’re bringing you something just as classic and cringey—a rerun from two Christmases ago! Join us as we sleigh-ride back in time to an episode packed with questionable decisions and awkward outcomes, like what happens when you attempt to steal a trailer, but you're not too bright or why we should never fiddle about with the weather. It’s our Christmas gift to you—and the best part? You can re-gift it guilt-free to your friends, family, or that random coworker who keeps forwarding you cat memes. So, don your ugly sweater, grab a candy cane (or something much stronger), and tune in for a holly-jolly re-gifted serving of The Shallow End. No matter how you celebrate, at least you’ll have this greatest hit to amuse you while Uncle Gary attempts his 47th retelling of “The Night Before Christmas.” Merry Reruns! If you would like to advertise on The Shallow End with Schnebly and Toth, contact advertising@airwavemedia.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	It began long ago, two young boys in an American town riding their bikes to school and little league practice.
0:09.0	Over the years, the boys became fast friends, united in their love for stories where things would go horribly wrong.
0:18.0	Pour yourself a strong beverage and buckle up. You're in the shallow end with
0:23.5	Schnebly and Toff. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, everybody. Here at the shallow end, we believe
0:28.9	that Christmas Day is a day to spend with your family and your loved ones, to take it easy, and
0:36.3	just enjoy yourself.
0:39.2	It's also a time of nostalgia.
0:41.7	So in that spirit, here's an old show from two years ago.
0:47.2	Outside of Lowe's or Home Depot, they have the shed displays.
0:51.3	They have those gardening sheds all constructed and put up and on display.
0:55.4	Yeah. Oftentimes, in my mind, I've wondered how easy it would be to steal them. Not that I ever
1:02.3	would, of course, but I got to be honest with you, I enjoy figuring out how I would do it if I,
1:07.4	if I were going to. And my chosen method is really surprisingly low tech. I would just come in
1:13.0	with a flatbed truck and then I'd roll a shed onto it using logs that were laid underneath
1:17.9	it. Kind of like how the, you know, like the how the Egyptians built the pyramids.
1:22.1	Right. Just moving one log to the front and rolling it over and taking the one from the
1:26.2	back and moving it. These are the one from the back and moving here.
1:27.8	These are the late night musings that led me to this story that I have for you today.
1:32.3	All right.
1:33.3	Our hero's name is Edward.
1:35.3	And his story takes place in March of 2000 in Albuquerque, New Mexico.
1:40.3	Now Edward had been eyeing not the sheds outside of Home Depot, but the utility trailers.
	...

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