Hello again and welcome back to the savvy psychologist. I'm Dr. Ellen Hendrickson and every week I'll help you meet life's challenges with evidence-based research, a sympathetic ear, and zero judgment.

Now, being a control freak isn't all bad. Indeed if you are a control freak you're

probably super competent and super efficient. You've got high standards, you're a go-getter

and you get things done right the first time.

Plus, when things are spiraling, a little extra control can be healthy coping.

If you've lost your job, strict structure and discipline around finding another one is good.

If your child is seriously ill, knowing every inch of her medical chart is a natural reaction.

For me, after core-shaking disasters like Hurricane Katrina or

Sandy Hook, I find myself getting strict about exercise. And it took me a while to make this

connection, but I realized that when the world makes me

feel small and helpless, I cope by literally trying to be strong.

But of course there is a dark side to control. Complete control can never be achieved, so you can never relax.

And relaxation, including sleep, feels unproductive or weak, which leaves you exhausted.

No one else can reach your standards, which leaves you lonely.

And when you're forced to collaborate, without quite meaning to, you use a collection of sharp pointy tools criticism, judgment, and

micromanaging to keep your anxiety at bay.

That's right, anxiety. Control is a cover for anxiety and here's how it works. So anxiety is caused by uncertainty. You don't know what's going to happen. It's unclear if your decision was right. There's no guarantee that everything will be okay.

So being a control freak is the attempt to eliminate all uncertainty.

Scratch a control freak and underneath you'll find fear.

Now knowing that you're just scared

might help people who love you but roll their eyes at you feel more compassionate

but it also might help if you put down

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