Hello and welcome to episode 129 of regular features.

I'm here on my own at the minute.

I've dispatched Steve to the kitchen to fetch some wine,

but when he comes back, you can be sure that there'll be a blistering, gay,

regular features event horizon, never to be repeated. He's back. Hello and welcome to episode 1209. Alright hundred and twenty-nine of regular features.

My name is Steve, and I'm John Blahy.

And together, we're the only two members of regular features that you need to listen to.

We are on the same page.

Well, I think we've demonstrated that there's not a hair's breadth between our personality's words or anything else.

Well, yes, my, there's barely a hair's breadth between us.

We're wrapped around each other like fucking snakes.

I always thought, um, uh, hers, hers breath was, um, the amount that a hair, like a rabbit

could breathe.

Because you thought they were famous for not having huge lung capacity. Well, if her hair went, I mean, it wouldn't knock you off your horse. How far was that gonna go, realistically? Like a gnats fart is a thing as well, isn't it? Yeah, it is, but gnats are tiny, and tight as a gnats chuff. No one ever uses chuff to mean anus anymore. No.

The language changes.

The chuff are kind of bird, too.

The chuff inch.

The chuff inch.

That's birds that can only fart for a radius of an inch.

Which is coincidentally, same as a nose of breath if a hair

and if a hair

looked up

...