1286: Kalin Orgill Organ - Losing and Finding One's Self in Search of Truth Pt. 5
Mormon Stories Podcast
Dr. John Dehlin
4.5 • 5.7K Ratings
🗓️ 29 March 2020
⏱️ 60 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Periodically on Mormon Stories Podcast I try to interview “normal” or everyday Mormons about their faith journey – and in every case these “normal” Mormons turn out to be extraordinarily thoughtful and courageous. Today’s interview is no exception to this rule.
Today on Mormon Stories podcast I am interviewing Kalin Orgill Organ. Aside from Kalin being a super thoughtful and courageous human, Kalin’s story includes several important themes in modern Mormonism:
- Kalin was raised in an orthodox Mormon home in California and in Highland, Utah – with seven siblings.
- She was sexually abused as a child, which possibly awakened her to her own sexuality early than other children.
- She began masturbating as a girl, before she even knew what the term meant. This instigated a multi-year effort between herself, her parents, and her Mormon bishop to try to stop the behavior, and to become “worthy” in God’s eyes.
- Kalin “lost her virginity” as a Mormon teen, which, along with her inability to stop masturbating, only made her feel less worthy.
- Kalin had doubts/questions as a Mormon teen, and even listened briefly to Mormon Stories podcast PRIOR to serving her mission. She fought hard to gain a testimony while on her mission.
- Over time, three of Kalin’s siblings came out to her as LGBTQ, which multiplied her confusion and doubt.
- After returning from a successful Mormon mission, Kalin married her husband Aaron in a Mormon temple, wherein they became to onlookers the “perfect Mormon couple.”
- Over time, after a lifetime of struggling to feel worthy, Kalin’s doubts began to consume her, and she began to contemplate suicide as a Mormon wife and mother of two children.
- Kalin is currently navigating a mixed-faith marriage, and remains an active non-literal believer in her Salt Lake City ward.
This is Kalin’s story – how she lost her orthodox Mormon faith, but found herself (and her own voice) in the process.
You will not be disappointed with this interview. I hope you will join us. And please spread the word if you can!
Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | Thank you for joining us today on Mormon Stories Podcast. If you value this podcast and want to see it continue, please become a monthly supporter at MormonStories.org. |
| 0:14.0 | My husband is incredible and he's come a long way and I think you start to realize how nuanced he had been in his faith all along and how much. |
| 0:24.0 | I was so worried that he lived in the same black and white world that I did that he was worried about this empty chairs version of heaven that |
| 0:34.0 | Kaelin's breaking in covenants and we're not going to be together as a family. |
| 0:38.0 | And I asked him one day, are you worried about me being with you? And he said, not even a little bit, I don't believe in that kind of heaven. |
| 0:46.0 | I don't believe in that kind of God, but I'm like, but Nelson says, you know, if you don't keep your coming in, you will not be reunite. And he's like, that's Nelson's opinion. |
| 0:54.0 | And I was like shocking to me because I in my, you know, believing days could not have ever differentiated between, you know, when a prophet was speaking for God and when it was his own opinion. |
| 1:07.0 | So I respect Aaron's belief. I love him for his belief. I don't want or expect him to change his belief. |
| 1:15.0 | But I don't think I can move forward in a marriage with somebody who thought I was going to hell. |
| 1:21.0 | So there is some flexibility. |
| 1:23.0 | Or who saw you as a disappointment, right? |
| 1:25.0 | Yeah. |
| 1:27.0 | And I still, I still struggled with that for a long time, but, you know, because even though he doesn't think I'm going to hell, is he disappointed with who I am? |
| 1:36.0 | But I think Aaron's perspective on my faith journey has changed and we're both kind of feeling, you know, again, with the perspective of choosing to believe that there's a God. |
| 1:48.0 | The only way I can reconcile the fact that I felt so abandoned for over a year of praying and pleading, is that God wanted me to be where I am right now. |
| 1:58.0 | I had never thought that maybe God wasn't answering my prayers because he didn't want me in the church or didn't want me in, with the North of Doc's belief, like that never was a possibility in my mind. |
| 2:10.0 | But as you've seen the fruits of that movement. |
| 2:14.0 | Yeah. I feel like now I can say I believe or I hope that, you know, God led me to where I am and that there's a reason he needs me here. |
| 2:26.0 | He, she, it, they, I don't know. |
| 2:29.0 | And Aaron sees that too and Aaron, I think he really believes that. |
| 2:32.0 | I think he believes that I and he are better for having gone through my faith crisis and my faith transition and that our hearts are bigger and more open and kinder. |
| 2:47.0 | And I remember Wayne Sermon, do you mind if I read this paragraph? |
... |
Please login to see the full transcript.
Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Dr. John Dehlin, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.
Generated transcripts are the property of Dr. John Dehlin and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.
Copyright © Tapesearch 2026.