You're listening to On Attachment, a place to learn about how attachment shapes the way we experience relationships

and where you'll gain the guidance, knowledge and practical tools to overcome insecurity and build healthy, thriving relationships.

I'm your host, Relationship Coach Stephanie Rigg, and I'm really glad you're here.

Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of On Attachment.

In today's episode, I'm going to be talking about why it is that anxious and avoidant folks

tend to be drawn to one another in relationship.

So this is a very well-established, observable, and I'm sure anecdotally relatable pattern

that we see all the time.

And yet, for a lot of people, it can feel really confusing because it seems to be at odds with

maybe not only what you want, but also at odds with your preferences, your underlying desires

when it comes to relationship, how you would like your relationship to look and feel.

It can feel really confusing when we find ourselves in partnership with people who have

ostensibly conflicting preferences and ideals when it comes to what it means to be in a relationship.

And yet, as I said, it is very, very, very, very common for anxious and avoidant folks to be

drawn to one another, almost like a magnetic

pool that we can't resist.

And if you're familiar with my work, you'd know that my philosophy is not one that says

just avoid each other or it's always doomed and you should just go and find a secure

partner and save yourselves the

trouble. I don't subscribe to that kind of mentality. But at the same time, I think that we can

often find ourselves drawn to certain people and patterns and dynamics from a subconscious,

often wounded place, a place that is being largely driven by insecurities

...