1173: Putting Down The Second Arrow: How Self Compassion Heals Anxiety
The Anxiety Coaches Podcast
Gina Ryan
4.6 • 1.9K Ratings
🗓️ 3 September 2025
⏱️ 18 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
In today's episode, Gina shares a key element of anxiety recovery: using self-kindness in the face of stress and overwhelm to diffuse self-criticism. Negative self-talk often makes anxiety so much more unbearable than it would be if we acknowledged the anxiety and gave ourself grace and compassion in our thoughts and feelings. Tune in to this episode and learn how to tame anxiety before it get out of control!
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Quote:
If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.
-Jack Kornfield
Chapters
0:26 Introduction to Self-Compassion
2:07 The Parable of the Two Arrows
6:23 Practicing Self-Compassion
8:33 Five Ways to Cultivate Compassion
15:18 Embracing Your Inner Child
16:04 The Journey of Healing
Summary
In this episode of the Anxiety Coaches Podcast, I delve into a crucial yet often overlooked aspect of our mental health journey: self-compassion. I share insights from my own experiences and teachings that highlight the importance of treating ourselves with kindness, particularly in moments of anxiety and stress. Drawing upon a Buddhist parable, I explain how our reactions to life's inevitable challenges often intensify our suffering through self-criticism and harsh judgments, which I metaphorically refer to as the "second arrow."
The episode begins with an exploration of how anxiety, represented by the metaphorical first arrow, triggers a natural bodily response. However, it is our internal dialogue—the harsh words we say to ourselves—that introduces additional suffering, symbolized by the second arrow. I illustrate this concept by asking listeners to reflect on their beliefs about healing and recovery from anxiety. This narrative serves as a foundation for understanding how self-compassion can buffer against the weight of our challenges.
I introduce five practical strategies to cultivate self-compassion as a means to alleviate anxiety. The first involves recognizing our need for kindness during tough times, coupled with a simple yet effective physical gesture: placing a hand over the heart, allowing us to ground ourselves and activate soothing physiological responses. The second strategy encourages listeners to dig deeper into their feelings, acknowledging underlying emotions that may be contributing to anxiety, such as sadness or frustration.
#AnxietyCoachesPodcast #AnxietyRelief #SelfCompassion #MentalHealthMatters #HealingJourney #InnerPeace #Mindfulness #TwoArrows #Buddhism #EmotionalWellness #CopingSkills #GinaRyan #SelfCare #OvercomingAnxiety #StressManagement #PanicAttackHelp #CompassionForSelf #Tonglen #JackKornfield #ACP
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Welcome to the anxiety coaches podcast, a relaxing and informative show where we explore anxiety, panic, and PTSD, sharing how you can overcome them for life. |
| 0:23.1 | Aloha. |
| 0:24.2 | Welcome back to the anxiety coaches podcast. |
| 0:27.6 | I'm your host and coach, Gina Ryan, and I am so happy to be with you again today |
| 0:34.0 | as together we can consider the many ways to bring your mind and body back to its |
| 0:40.5 | natural peace and calm. In today's episode, we're talking about a skill that is often overlooked, |
| 0:49.1 | but it can be deeply powerful on your healing journey, and this is self-compassion. I know you hear me talk about it, |
| 0:57.1 | but today want to dive into it a little more deeply so that you can see why it is so important. |
| 1:05.0 | I remember hearing a Buddhist story a long time ago that really stuck with me. And it's been said |
| 1:10.1 | that the Buddha considered |
| 1:11.4 | all of his teaching to boil down to just two things, mindfulness and compassion. That's it. |
| 1:21.9 | And when we think about it, the two are inseparable. Mindfulness is awareness and compassion is what we bring to that awareness. |
| 1:34.5 | When we're hard on ourselves and most anxious people are, we set ourselves up for layer upon layer of suffering. |
| 1:45.4 | Anxiety on its own is already difficult, but we add self-criticism, shame, and hard |
| 1:53.3 | expectations on top of it, and it becomes heavier. |
| 1:59.3 | This can even feed into depression, chronic stress, eating struggles, |
| 2:05.5 | and anger issues. When we're hard on ourselves, like I said, most of us are, we are setting |
| 2:14.2 | ourselves up for these layers of suffering. And again, I mentioned that Buddhist teaching I learned, |
| 2:22.9 | I might as well talk about it here because I say it here. And when I say it, you're going to say, |
| 2:28.0 | oh, I know, I kind of often wondered what you meant by that. It is the parable of the two arrows. |
| 2:36.3 | And I'm sure you have heard me say, |
| 2:44.5 | this is the second arrow. And what I'm referring to is what I'm about to talk about, the parable of the two arrows. I hope this will be helpful for you to remember the pain you might be causing yourself. |
... |
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