Today I'm announcing a rebranding of the Council of Trent. We are now going to be called

the Council of Trent, C-O-U-N-C-I-L. And as far as I'm concerned, it's the year 1546, not some

fantastical future year like 2026. Now, let's get on with the important issues at hand here in 1546.

First, I am still unconvinced that there are giant lobsters

threatening our brave sailors at sea. Now, I appreciate Sebastian Munster's maps of the world,

but that doesn't mean I have to take everything in them literally, including the sea monsters.

Second, I am open to the existence of a race of creatures who have the body of a man and the head of a dog.

I'm not going to say they definitely do exist, though.

Now, some of you say, well, humans are the only rational creatures, and that may be true.

But if we discovered other rational creatures, it would not disprove our faith.

Although maybe the dogheads are just misshapen human beings, which is something

even the great St. Augustine postulated in his work, City of God. Some schismatics in the East even say

that St. Christopher was a doghead, though I think they might have mixed him up being from Canaan

with the canines. And also, can you please be charitable in your engagement with the work of my colleague, James of Aitken, the Earl of the Bazaar.

He has put forward intriguing theories about whether one could marry a doghead. Next, I'm asking people to please give the council a chance.

The council of Trent, great name by the way. It's just started. And some of you won't even give the Council a chance.

Yes, I know the decree on Scripture is a tad ambiguous because the first draft said that part of Revelation is found in Scripture.

But now it just says revelation is found in written and unwritten tradition, but the council doesn't say how much it is found in either of those things.

But look, the Holy Spirit guides the Catholic Church in these matters, and the council fathers are free to leave some issues open even as they settle other issues.

And the church has just decreed the Protestant canon is heretical.

I can't wait to see what that Spy limber Martin Luther has to say.

I mean, I can't believe he threatened to throw the letter of St. James into the fire

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