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Black Girls Heal

#112: What to Keep in Mind When You Miss Red Flags

Black Girls Heal

Shena Lashey

Education, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.8 • 1.8K Ratings

🗓️ 7 September 2021

⏱️ 18 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

If you’ve missed red flags in a relationship, it’s completely and totally okay. There is no shame in having missed the signs and suddenly realizing that they are there. Which is why I’m sharing what to keep in mind when you miss red flags. 

Lately, I’ve seen a lot of chatter about women starting to heal and then suddenly seeing the signs of a bad relationship that they’d previously missed. For so many women this noticing leads to feelings of shame and guilt that they didn’t recognize the signs sooner. 

Stop right there. 

Instead of heading down the shame spiral, take a moment and be kind to yourself. So you didn’t recognize those signs right off. You do now and that’s what’s important. Be kind, compassionate, and loving to yourself so that you can finally break the cycle. 

I also want you to know that there is nothing wrong with you. You are not what is broken. Even if you’ve chosen the same type of relationship over and over again, it’s not your fault that you’re being mistreated. 

Lastly, no matter how long you’ve been in the relationship or where you’re at in life, you have the right to choose how to respond. It doesn’t matter if you’re 10 minutes, 10 days, or 10 years into it, you can change your future by making a new choice. 

You’re on the path to healing and growth because you see the red flags. What choice will you make now that you know? 

In this episode: 

  • [00:35] Welcome back loved ones!
  • [02:22] Have you ever felt regret or shame for missing red flags in relationships? 
  • [03:22] When you do notice those red flags, be kind, compassionate, and loving to yourself. 
  • [04:26] Do you know what being kind to yourself means? 
  • [07:28] I want you to do something different than you've ever done before. 
  • [09:36] There is nothing wrong with you.
  • [13:06] Don’t mistake self-accountability and taking ownership with self-deprecation.
  • [13:38] No matter where you are or how long things have been happening, you get to choose how to respond. 
  • [15:27] As soon as you decide that you’re ready to get out, that’s all you need.

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Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

My, my job is to somehow make them curious enough or persuade them by hookah crew to get

0:14.4

more aware of themselves and where they came from and what they are into and what is already there

0:19.9

is just to bring it out. This is what compels me to compel them and I will do it by whatever means

0:27.3

to do. Welcome to the Black Girl's Hill podcast, but we talk about healing or intimacy disorders

0:34.1

and resolve trauma and building a healthy relationship with first ourselves and then others.

0:39.6

Every episode we will talk about advice you can apply today to break unhealthy patterns and grow

0:45.2

in your software. I'm Shrinella Shea, love addition coach and trauma specialist. Let's begin.

0:51.6

Hello, loved ones and welcome back to the Black Girl's Hill podcast. So I'm

0:59.0

bash recording my podcast episodes today, which means I'm recording several episodes in one day.

1:06.1

And I don't know what order this episode is going to be in, but I just called y'all loved ones.

1:15.1

Thanks for listening to this week's podcast. Before we get started, let's take a small break to

1:19.6

say thank you to this week's sponsors. Thanks for listening to this week's podcast. Before we

1:27.4

get started, let's take a small break to say thank you to this week's sponsors.

1:33.2

And I'm very excited because I feel like I've finally found our name for our community. And so

1:41.1

we are loved ones because we are all healed and loved women because we are all dearly loved

1:47.5

because we are cultivating relationships that fully embrace that God given right and privilege

1:54.3

that we all have. And this came about when I was writing the intro and the worksheets for

2:00.1

our loved woman planner. And I was just it just organically came out because I was just referring

2:07.4

to the reader and giving them instructions. And I called y'all loved ones. And I was like, that's

2:15.1

it. That's it. So in the two previous episodes that I've already recorded, I did not refer to you

2:21.4

as loved ones. I still sell ladies, which is, I guess that's fine, but I know I have non-binary folks

2:27.6

who listen to the podcast. I know I have men who listen to the podcast. So I hope that loved ones

...

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