#112: 7 Steps On How To Find Courage And Use Your Voice with Dr. Harriet Lerner

The Mark Groves Podcast

Mark Groves

Relationships, Society & Culture

4.9 • 5K Ratings

🗓️ 12 October 2020

⏱️ 79 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

I am so excited and honoured to welcome one of my absolute dream guests - the incredible Dr. Harriet Lerner this week. Dr Lerner is best known for her scholarly work on the psychology of women and family relationships and is also a best selling author, speaker and teacher. Her incredible books including The Dance of Anger, The Dance of Intimacy and Why Won't You Apologize have completely transformed my life and the way I relate. In this episode, Dr. Lerner walks us through the 7 steps on how to find courage and use your voice. Each step arms us with the tools to converse effectively and to distinguish between real feelings and our pure anxiety driven reactivity. You won't want to miss this! ~ Discover: Why do we self-abandon? Difficult conversations with difficult people How to have courage and make life changing moves in relationships What over-explaining yourself means and what to do about it Strike while the iron is COLD Defensiveness, stonewalling, criticism and shutting down Self-worth and the connection to apology LDD - Listening Deficit Disorder What is defensive listening? Respect for differences vs. right or wrong Boundaries vs. bottom line position You can learn more about Dr. Lerner on her website https://www.harrietlerner.com/ and on Instagram and Facebook. You can also find her TED talk here: http://www.tedxkc.org/harriet-lerner/. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello and welcome to another episode of the Mark Gross podcast.
0:11.8	You are catching me on like the best of the best of the best days.
0:16.6	Today's guest is like a dream guest that I've been waiting to get on the podcast.
0:20.4	So I'm so excited that not only are you here, but they were here, which that's freaking news, right? Let's get pumped up. So if you're listening and it's your first time, you're like, who, what a time to arrive. And if you're back, thanks for the support and the love. And you know, you're catching me probably in a bit.
0:38.5	You're like, whoa, he's energetic. And I'm like, almost at the level of annoying, maybe a bit
0:43.4	over the edge. But I'm just so excited. You know, this woman's work has truly touched my life,
0:50.3	changed my life, changed the way I relate. And, you know, she's just incredible. And I feel so
0:57.6	honored, so blessed that she came on my podcast. I mean, I got to tell you, I got to pinch myself
1:03.7	a lot of the time. I started this podcast because people on Instagram were like, you should start
1:08.1	a podcast. And I'm like, I mean, I like talking. And if there
1:11.0	was a Talking Olympics, I'd probably win. So I should have a podcast. That sounds like a good idea. I also
1:16.3	like having opinions and sharing them and thoughts. And I like having brave dialogues about things
1:22.7	that I'm scared to talk about. And, you know, to own a truth, I have probably minimized some of the
1:30.6	feathers I want to ruffle in terms of some of the things I want to talk about. And I'm committed to
1:35.8	not doing that. I'm going to have, I did this in my relationships and it's going to be a true mantra of how
1:40.3	I always live my life, which is I have all the conversations I don't want to have
1:44.6	because those are the ones that matter most. I think about relationship and the reason we're in
1:49.9	relationship. I'm not in a relationship with Kylie because she makes me feel good all the time.
1:55.1	I'm in a relationship with Kylie because she tells me the truth about who I am, how I'm showing up.
2:01.6	And in that truth is the invitation to me being a better man, a better partner, a better human.
2:06.6	And that's what all our relationships offer us as a window into that possibility.
2:11.6	And it's hard to see them that way.
	...

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