10. “Money is overwhelming so we find instant gratification elsewhere”

Money For Couples with Ramit Sethi

Ramit Sethi

Business, Relationships, Society & Culture, Investing

4.6 • 124 Ratings

🗓️ 21 September 2021

⏱️ 45 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Jacques and Jennifer are stuck in a money rut. They are trapped by their $40,000 debt. Jennifer feels overwhelmed with money talk, and Jaques doesn't want to say no to his wife. When he comes home from work, they’re both tired, so they order takeout, overspend...and repeat the cycle. This isn't a math problem. It runs way deeper into their money identity and sense of self. Jacques grew up in a poor household and was always told no, so he'll do anything not to feel that way again. As a stay-at-home mom, Jennifer feels the money is "his," so she finds control and comfort in food. Suddenly, all of these restaurant trips and takeout receipts are starting to make more sense. The relationship between food and finance is a tricky one to navigate. Then I ask about their Rich Life. Listen to how vague they are about their future financial goals. When you've got a large debt that seems insurmountable, it’s hard to look ahead. But I think there’s a way to get them to take ownership of their money. Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here. Produced by Crate Media.

Transcript

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0:00.0	I hate it. I hate it because I know we're paying so much interest right now here and there
0:08.8	and it's all money that we could actually be paying off of that. I'm putting aside and
0:13.6	stating to actually buy things, not credit and you know, or say so we can go to a trip
0:21.9	or say for a future cottage or this or that. Okay. And instead we're just, I feel like
0:27.8	we're throwing money out the window. When she asked me for stuff, I want to say yes. My
0:34.3	life, I love her, I want to please her. If she asked me where I want to be in the year,
0:39.2	hopefully I'll be here, but it might not, right? I'm stuck at home as a stay at home
0:45.4	mom, but I still can't go outside and socialize and we just moved in this new city that I
0:51.6	would know absolutely no one. So I've been alone for months now. And when Jacques gets home,
0:58.5	I know he's tired from work and he needs his own time so I leave him alone. My name is
1:06.5	Ramit Saytee. Welcome to the I will teach you to be rich podcast. My guests on this episode
1:12.6	are Jennifer and Jacques who contacted me because they're in debt and they just feel stuck.
1:19.2	Now the more I talk to them, the more I realized how common their situation really is. He goes to
1:25.6	work. She stays home with the kids. At the end of the day, they're both tired. They order takeout.
1:30.9	They overeat. They don't track their spending. But something really interesting happened when we
1:37.2	shifted from their problems going towards a solution. And as I always say, people who have
1:45.0	financial problems love to talk about their financial problems. They are problem oriented. And
1:51.5	many of them can spend their entire lives talking about what's not working. But as I switched them
1:57.6	to focusing on what their rich life is, we had a pretty fascinating breakthrough. So listen in
2:04.9	today's conversation with Jennifer and Jacques. Kill like she's spending too much. And I'd like to
2:13.3	pay the debt. And the reason she spends a lot, she's asking me when she asks me where to buy
2:20.1	something is because she's asking me, are we having enough money, right? And I just want to say yes
	...

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