Hi and welcome to the savvy psychologist podcast I'm your host

Dr Ellen Hedrickson and I'll help you meet life's challenges with

evidence-based research a a sympathetic ear, and zero judgment.

Setting boundaries in a relationship sounds formidable, as if it involves barbed wire or palace

guards, but actually, boundaries are respectful and healthy.

Boundaries need not be approached with a keep-out sign.

It's just a matter of knowing where you end and another person begins.

So this week, thanks to listeners Haru A S and Jill C, both of whom requested the topic,

we'll explore how to set boundaries and how you know if yours have been breached.

So let's start with the definition.

What exactly is a healthy boundary?

Well, if we're talking about geography, a boundary marks the limits of an area.

Same idea for relationships with significant others, friends, colleagues, family, or neighbors.

It's knowing your limit in each relationship. Your limits include what

you can take on successfully, what you can give without feeling depleted, or what you can do

without violating your personal integrity.

Someone who pushes your limits might encourage you to go against your values,

like pushing you to drink after you've worked hard to get sober.

Or you might feel overwhelmed by demands, like when a friend expects assistance at the drop of a hat even when she calls at 3 a.m.

Or you might feel taken advantage of like when an adult child keeps asking to borrow money without acknowledging the previous three loans she hasn't paid back yet.

Your boundaries will vary from person to person.

You may give your mother-in-law some slack because she's so great with your kids, but keep a tight leash on your toxic coworker.

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