The following is an archive podcast presented by the Branson and Hudson Foundation for Podcast Recovery.

This podcast is entitled Welcome to Hell.

It is the first and only episode of the podcast.

Welcome to episode one.

Welcome to hell.

To the pit of the abyss The bottom of the well

Where the last echoes of hope are swallowed up for primal sustenance

While the tormentors of the wicked laughs

Scream and pound their little rodneys to the eternal suffering of lost men

If you are hearing that Oh their little Rodneys to the eternal suffering of lost men.

If you are hearing that... Oh, sorry about that.

If you are hearing this, you are dead.

You are in hell awaiting your punishment.

And me and my devil co-worker here are to be your tour guides,

explaining you to the intricacies of damnation.

My name is Noctis Asarius Nintendo Hamarazi Herzine. I believe my coworker here can introduce himself. Well, thank you, Noctis. I'm the

harbiger of necrotic rot, also known as jelly bean.

I've worked thousands of jobs from cleaning the blood pits of ozone to torturing Nazis,

to making sandwiches at the subway.

Now I work in IT mostly, you know. There's no job too small in hell.

I was originally a Philistine demon where I studied at the Lake of Fire.

I pledged Kappa, where I majored in haunted houses with a minor in Weinstein studies.

...