The Luxury Podcast

In this week's bonus episode, William shares a story of an injury incurred on holiday, and Jonathan an even more shocking story from his 'pupernity' leave. Plus, we return to the hallowed halls of William's dream pub, 'The Cock And Trumpet', and Jonathan defends his controversial phone case. Finally, William looks ahead to his new home and ponders how best to protect his back passage. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 7 August 2025

In this week's episode, William and Jonathan discuss the way to host one's friends and family overnight in the most executive and attentive fashion. William makes plans for the guest room in his new home, and the two ponder what the optimum duration for a guest to stay is. Plus, they swap horror stories about their more questionable house guests, including (but not limited to) unannounced gentleman callers and bed sheet stains. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 6 August 2025

In this week’s bonus episode William rails against cubicle etiquette violations, while Jonathan shares his holiday tradition of travelling with a personal washing line and luxury-grade pegs. The pair also advise listeners on the art of executive complaining, protocol when vacating a hotel room and which flowers - real and artificial - are fit for a luxury display in the home. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 31 July 2025

This week, William and Jonathan turn their attention to money. They discuss how not to behave when you have it, whether it’s ever acceptable to ask someone what they earn and the deeply un-luxury world of lending to friends. Plus, they help a listener navigate the tricky balance between enjoying life and saving wisely.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 30 July 2025

In this week’s bonus episode, William reveals his quest to get hench, Jonathan shows off his approved envelope flaps and the pair discuss where a listener's royal correspondence should be displayed.  Plus: a duck pancake theft and a discussion on whether books in a lavatory are tasteful or tragic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 24 July 2025

Jonathan and William discuss a great British institution: the pub. While JVS waxes lyrical about his love for a good boozer, William remains sceptical, questioning the true luxury of sticky floors and pork scratchings.The pair design their fantasy public houses - from names and decor, to what makes a great landlord, menus and drinks selections. Debating what truly makes a pub feel like home. They also hear from a listener asking about the delicate art of approaching famous punters. Plus, JVS shares tales from ‘pupernity' leave as he adjusts to life with the newest member of his Luxury household, Betty! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 23 July 2025

In this week's bonus episode, William and Jonathan prepare for the arrival of Jonathan's puppy, with some crucial safety advice. Plus, discussion on how to executively display one's dwellings, and the two discover a very intriguing new pear. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 17 July 2025

It's possibly Jonathan and William's least luxurious and most controversial episode yet, as the two dive into the thorny subject of punishments. The two compare their different childhood experiences of discipline.  They also hear from a listener who recalls their grandfather's subtle method of disciplining misbehaving children by chasing them with a meat cleaver.  Plus, JVS and William discuss how they'd maintain law and order if they were Luxury Home Secretaries, and William takes a look at some historical punishments. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 16 July 2025

In this week's bonus episode, William and Jonathan delve into what makes a hobby luxurious, and get an update on a hobby that's distinctly unglamorous (attending sea shanty festivals). They also celebrate the classy art of letter writing, and Jonathan shares a story of a disastrous family meal. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 10 July 2025

In this week's episode, William and Jonathan discuss the miracle of flight and all its glamourous - and unglamorous - features. From settling on which is truly the most luxurious class, to coping with nightmare passengers, they cover it all. William and Jonathan also bring a personal touch to the mix, with JVS describing a challenging lavatory experience, and William opening up about his delicate fainting spells. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 9 July 2025

It's a multicultural bonus episode this week, with William and Jonathan practicing their German and advising a luxury listener on where to spend their holiday. Plus, the two fantasise about winning the lottery, and the mysterious art of 'Baby Led Weaning' makes a return. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 3 July 2025

In this week's episode, William and Jonathan return to the world of television - and the silver screen too. They discuss favourite classic titles, as well as, of course, the correct etiquette for watching films and shows with others. William in particular has a very busy episode, which sees him sharing an exclusive about a popular reality show, insulting Rupert Grint and other gingers, and kicking a three-legged dog. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 2 July 2025

This week's bonus episode takes place in the Vernon-Smith residence, sparking a heated discussion between Jonathan and William about town versus country. Plus, a discussion about the luxury way to treat your house staff, and the unexpected perils of an outdoor mirror. The two wrap things up with a very luxury live sea shanty performance, because why not? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 26 June 2025

William and Jonathan explore how to enter an argument in a becoming and sophisticated fashion. They revisit old spats, including with a flatmate, a bar lady, and a very out of his depth electrician who thought he could go toe-to-toe with Jonathan. Plus, advice on how to handle keyboard warriors, and when to (if ever) admit that one’s got it wrong. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 25 June 2025

In this week's bonus episode, William and Jonathan kick things off with a discussion on the pros and cons of naturism, before William regales Jonathan about a very saucy interaction with a secret celeb. Plus, an important discussion on whether removal companies are luxury or not, and how to deal with misbehaving balls. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 19 June 2025

 In this week's episode, William and Jonathan discuss holidays. The two trade tips on the most luxury locations, and give listeners advice on everything from souvenir shopping to bridging US/UK divides. Plus, William balks at Jonathan's choice of holiday accommodation, and a cleaning product is confused with a different kind of lubricant. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 18 June 2025

In this week's bonus episode, Jonathan brings exciting news about a new addition to the Vernon-Smith home - and it's not only his copy of William's book. The two scour said book for any references to JVS, who has some feedback to give William on the book's structure. Plus, the two compare their very executive sleepwear. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 12 June 2025

In this week's episode, William and Jonathan discuss clothing - everything from the genesis of their signature styles, to the most executive swimwear. Brogues are, of course, discussed in copious detail, as well as ideal wedding attire. Plus, there are no holds barred when William and Jonathan critique one another's outfits. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 11 June 2025

In this week's bonus episode, William and Jonathan host the podcast via their executive telephones, from New York and Hertfordshire respectively. William provides some fascinating insights into luxury life across the pond, and the two give some advice to a listener caught in a posh/common identity crisis. Plus, a listener weighs in on pronunciation problems, and some cutting edge circumcision chat is had. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 5 June 2025

In this episode, William and Jonathan discuss the dos and don’ts of restaurant etiquette - everything from bills to baby-led weaning. Plus, William considers an alternative career, and battles with an uncharacteristically potty mouth. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 4 June 2025

 In this week's bonus episode, Jonathan and William discuss how to deal with people who don't make the bed. Jonathan gives a sneak peak from his memoirs, and William provides another surprising update about his house sale.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 29 May 2025

In this week's episode, William and Jonathan revisit their childhoods - including their early media debuts (featuring a special audio cameo from a very young Jonathan Vernon-Smith). Plus, they revisit their childhood hobbies - including, but not limited to, arson and crossdressing - and provide some luxury parenting tips. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 28 May 2025

In this week's bonus episode, William and Jonathan exchange notes on their after-dark experiences. Plus, Jonathan overcomes man flu to share his theory on what finding a single shoe on the pavement means, and finds creative ways to pronounce the names of not just one, but two listeners. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 22 May 2025

William and Jonathan tackle neighbours in this episode: and in fact, Jonathan tells a story of how he nearly literally tackled one, during a 'red mist' episode. Alongside that anecdote are other gems including 'Cecil's Gloryhole', and 'Barbara's Vibrator'. Plus, tips on navigating bin day, neighbourhood WhatsApp chats, and whether it's ever appropriate to pay next door a visit unannounced. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 21 May 2025

In this week's bonus episode, William and Jonathan discuss William's ball problem, before examining the sack - they open up the mailsack and go through your wonderfully luxurious letters. Topics of discussion include tattoos, tipping, and telephone etiquette. Plus, how to deal with particularly large loads (of washing), and what to do about misbehaving bed slats. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 15 May 2025

It's the battle of the bands this week as William and Jonathan show off their favourite “good and goey” tunes. Expect a typically macho selection as the two broaden their musical horizons - and have a singalong, too. Plus, there is advice on what to do when a spouse takes up the drums, and whether a Eurovision party is ever acceptable. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 14 May 2025

In another special bonus episode, William and Jonathan round off their chat with social media cleaning star Lynsey Queen of Clean (This Morning, Channel 5's Gadget Show, Ireland's Today Show). The three discuss how to cope with dirty bathrooms, holiday homes and headboards. Jonathan and Lynsey also swap some shocking cleaning-related injuries. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 8 May 2025

As we edge into wedding season, William and Jonathan discuss the right and wrong way to have a luxury wedding. They cover everything from seating plans and scheduling, to coping with rowdy guests. Plus, controversy abounds as William's approach to his own wedding gifts comes under the spotlight. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 7 May 2025

In a very special bonus episode of The Luxury Podcast, William and Jonathan are joined by social media cleaning star Lynsey Queen of Clean, also seen on This Morning, Channel 5’s Gadget Show and Ireland’s The Today Show. The three compare their cleaning obsessions and swap tips and tricks - including how to handle a rogue sausage in the bedroom. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 1 May 2025

William and Jonathan discuss royalty. William gives a short (Jonathan might disagree) history of The Royal Family, and Jonathan shares his suspicions that he has blue blood. Plus, the two discuss their favourite royals, and tackle some of your questions. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 30 April 2025

In this week's bonus episode, William and Jonathan compare their cutlery collections, and Jonathan tells a story about being trapped in limbo at a John Lewis. Plus, the two discuss how to confront a neighbour who doesn't clean up after their dog. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 24 April 2025

William and Jonathan discuss working life. The two tackle workplace etiquette: where to eat food, how to carry out calls, and what time to arrive. Plus, Jonathan demonstrates his method for stopping his colleagues from stealing his seat, and shares his opinion on lunch breaks. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 23 April 2025

William and Jonathan swap horror stories about estate agents, including one in particular that made Jonathan the angriest he's ever been. Plus, the two provide some cutting-edge etiquette tips on the appropriate times to send voice notes. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 17 April 2025

William and Jonathan discuss lighting. From the most sophisticated number of lumens, to whether wifi bulbs are common, the two explore how to keep one's home exquisitely well lit. Plus, they plan to ditch the recording studio in favour for a KFC restaurant. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 16 April 2025

In this week's bonus episode, William and Jonathan discuss how to keep one's wheelie bin spotless, and give some advice on how to spruce up a hotel room. Plus, they hold nothing back in a very frank assessment of their favourite kitchen utensils. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 10 April 2025

This week, William and Jonathan talk about their little furry friends in great detail. The two discuss which dog breeds are the smartest, how to maintain animal hygiene, and how to train a pet to be as sophisticated as possible. Plus, the two try and solve the mysterious deaths of William's childhood pets. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 9 April 2025

In this week's bonus episode, William and Jonathan discuss the proper way to behave when visiting the Vatican. Plus, Jonathan shares his tips on securing a luxury hotel room upgrade, and William gives a full review of his car valet. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 3 April 2025

William and Jonathan discuss living rooms - or are they drawing rooms, or lounges? The two tackle everything from what makes a sofa sophisticated, to how to properly display one's television. Plus, Jonathan recalls a moment of childhood inebriation, and William continues planning for retirement. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 2 April 2025

In this bonus episode, William and Jonathan swap opinions on foreign food, and discuss how to best inspire sophistication in others. They also puzzle over a mysterious new feature in William’s car valet. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 27 March 2025

William and Jonathan discuss the theatre. Whether it be a pre-show supper, the clothes, or the correct play watching etiquette, the two define the qualities that make a sophisticated theatregoer. Plus, they discuss musicals - with Jonathan feeling very strongly about one particular title. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 26 March 2025

In this bonus episode, William and Jonathan once again dive into William's illustrious past as a swimming pool model. They continue this trip down memory lane by swapping notes on their childhood hobbies - William's media dynasties, and Jonathan's house visits from the police. Such commonplace childhoods. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 20 March 2025

William and Jonathan discuss gardens - everything from delicate flowers, to water features, to correct lawn mowing etiquette. Plus, Jonathan tells a shocking story about a dead pigeon, and an even more shocking one about when he set his brother on fire. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 19 March 2025

In this bonus episode, William and Jonathan discuss whether its acceptable to multitask while using the lavatory, and how to deal with disruptive plane passengers. Plus, they tackle the fallout from Jonathan's controversial views on water bottles. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 13 March 2025

William and Jonathan discuss everything to do with the body. Farting, burping, and even the proper way to blow one's nose - the two tackle all these uncouth subjects in a bid to find the most luxury approaches to personal hygiene. Also, Jonathan reminisces about some very unusual flatmates, and William celebrates the many uses of Vaseline. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 12 March 2025

In this bonus episode of The Luxury Podcast, William and Jonathan discuss the correct way to clean a toilet brush, and when it's acceptable to wear second-hand clothes. Plus, the two try and bring a bit more luxury to a listener's very alternative lifestyle. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 6 March 2025

William and Jonathan discuss bathrooms. They discuss the different décor options, disagree on blue shell walls, and swap cleaning tips. Plus, Jonathan shares some candid stories about his time as a hotel chambermaid, and William comes under attack for his makeup choices. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 5 March 2025

William and Jonathan celebrate the inaugural Luxury Podcast bonus episode by announcing the charity auction of a very special piece of Keeping Up Appearances memorabilia. Listen to the podcast to learn more, and click the link below to get bidding: https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/176840550988 Plus, the two discuss appropriate workplace attire, and Jonathan voices his concerns about the abundance of water bottles in modern culture. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 27 February 2025

William and Jonathan discuss security and give tips on how to protect one’s life of luxury. They discuss the pros and cons of security smoke systems, whether hiring a house sitter is ever acceptable, and William shares his parents’ unusual alarm system. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 26 February 2025

William and Jonathan talk all things kitchens - including surfaces, sinks and sprays. Jonathan explains why he refuses to cook inside, and William raises eyebrows when he critiques the nation’s favourite new appliance: the air fryer. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 19 February 2025

Buckle up as William and Jonathan discuss cars - makes, models and mod-cons. William grapples with an imbalance in presenter expertise, and Jonathan shares a story of a decidedly unsophisticated train journey. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 12 February 2025