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Absolutely Not

Your Body My Choice with Jeff Daniels AKA The Italian Stallion

Absolutely Not

Dear Media

Callin, Humor, Aperol, Arts, Comedian, Entertainment, Advice, Personal572339, Funny, Instagram, Hotline, Female, Comedy, Heathermcmahon

4.913.6K Ratings

🗓️ 26 March 2020

⏱️ 53 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather sits in quarantine with her Italian Stallion, Jeff Daniels. Since every single thing he is doing has been driving her up a fucking Ficus tree, she figured it would be a great time to air out their grievances for the whole world through couples therapy, aka this podcast. They discuss their upcoming or maybe forever cancelled nuptials and really hash out their mood swings for the listeners to judge! Keeping it light and positive over here, don't you worry about a thing!

Produced by Dear Media.

Transcript

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0:00.0

The following podcast is a DR Media production.

0:06.5

Welcome to the Absolutely Not Podcast, where we do the most in the least at the same damn time.

0:12.4

I'm your host Heather McMahon.

0:17.8

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast,

0:22.4

where living in wild times I swear to God it's been an emotional fucking roller coaster.

0:27.6

Do you have the penics? I don't know. Is it acid reflux? Is it anxiety? Is it COVID-19?

0:35.8

Or did you just have too much hot sausage? What is it? Hot pockets. I've been eating so much

0:42.2

kylbasa sausage on my, I guess quote unquote wellness journey and quarantine lockdown. The

0:47.7

my acid reflux has been through the roof. I'm going to bring in a special guest to the podcast

0:52.8

somebody whom I hold dearly to my heart, but who is also suffering with the exact same ailments I

0:58.8

am. Same amount of acid reflux, same amount of anxiety. And honestly at this point, same amount of

1:04.4

body and facial hair. Ladies and gentlemen, please without further ado, welcome to the podcast,

1:10.0

my one and only fiance. The Italian stallion, Jeff Daniels. Hi, honey. Hey, babe.

1:16.2

You can just hold the fucking microphone. I am, but you know, it's day eight of quarantine, I think,

1:20.7

and I haven't killed you yet. So we're going strong. Listen, okay, this whole episode is going to be

1:26.8

about survival. What we've been doing. I hope that other couples listen to this together,

1:31.8

because they're probably locked up raw together as well. I want to lay the card on the table. I,

1:37.9

uh, since I've been locked up with you, and there's a lot of things that you do that just really,

1:42.0

it's like nails on a chalkboard. It's, uh, acrylics on the outside of my jettatrunk, if you will.

1:50.4

Well, I've noticed some things too, but I just keep reminding myself that I loved you before this.

1:54.7

I love you during this, and I will continue to love you after this. Even though I made

1:58.8

momentarily want to put a pillow over your face. Okay. I feel like you're just doing that to really

...

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