You Will Want A Crowded Table

The Daily Dad

Daily Dad

Society & Culture, Dads, Relationships, Parenting, Self-improvement, Kids & Family, Ryan Holiday, Wisdom, Education, Fatherhood

4.8 • 602 Ratings

🗓️ 24 January 2020

⏱️ 2 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Right now, you’re thinking about what all the other parents are doing. What schools they’re getting their kids into. What the best strollers are. You’re thinking about how to get them to do their homework or how to keep their rooms clean. How to manage your life and career and staying in shape. It’s overwhelming and you’re stressed.

Every dad is.

So maybe it’s helpful to sit back and really think about what parental success really looks like. First, of course, it’s having healthy kids who survive to adulthood—that’s obvious. But second, when you flash way forward into the future, what is it? It’s that beautiful phrase captured in The Highwomen hit—it’s having a crowded table. At Thanksgiving. On birthdays. At some summer house on the beach you all rented as a family. That is: having kids who you get to see, who you have a good relationship with, who you want to spend time with...for the rest of your days.

Tiger Moms and Tiger Dads might raise Harvard grads, but will they have crowded tables? Snowplow parents might feel important for the first eighteen years of their kids’ lives, but will those kids resent them for spoiling and sheltering them? Instead of a crowded table, might their house be crowded with kids who have failed to launch?

Some of the best lyrics in the Highwomen song capture the path forward for a dad who is looking forward to those crowded table days:

If we want a garden

We're gonna have to sow the seed

Plant a little happiness

Let the roots run deep

If it's love that we give

Then it's love that we reap

If we want a garden

We're gonna have to sow the seed

If you want a crowded table, you’ll need to plant the seeds. You’ll need to make the decisions now so they’ll want to make the decision to fly from their homes to yours when they’re older and have families of their own. That means listening without judgment. That means being a fan and a supporter. That means loving unconditionally. That means managing your temper. You’ll need to set the table today to have the one you’ll want tomorrow.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to the Daily Dad podcast, where we provide one lesson every single day to help you with your most important job, being a parent.
0:15.0	I'm Ryan Holiday, and I draw these lessons from ancient philosophy, modern psychology, practical wisdom, and
0:23.6	insights from parents just like you all over the world. Thank you for listening, and we hope this
0:30.1	helps.
0:33.6	The crowded table. What a great spectacle it is when a husband and wife with many children are seen with these
0:40.5	children crowded around them.
0:43.1	Musonius Rufus.
0:45.3	It's helpful to sit back and think about what parental success really looks like.
0:49.9	First off, of course, it's about having healthy kids who survive to adulthood.
0:53.3	That's obvious.
0:59.6	But second, when you flash forward into the future, what is it? It's that beautiful phrase captured in the title of the Highway Women's Hit, Crowded Table, at Thanksgiving on
1:05.5	birthdays, at the summer house, at the beach that you all rent as a family. That is, it's having kids whom you get to see,
1:13.1	whom you have a relationship with, whom you want to spend time with for the rest of your days.
1:18.9	If you want a garden, the song reminds us, you're going to have to sow the seed. If you want
1:25.2	a crowded table, you'll need to make the right decisions now, so they'll want to make
1:30.0	the decision to fly from their homes to yours when they're older and have families of their own. You'll have
1:36.2	to plant a little happiness, give a little love if that's what you want to reap. You'll need to set
1:41.7	the table today to have the one you'll want tomorrow.
1:50.0	Hey, you're listening to the Daily Dad podcast. One meditation a day inspired to help you do your
1:58.0	most important job, which is be a great father.
2:08.6	These are meditations inspired by ancient wisdom, psychological research, and just great strategies from normal dads just like you.
2:11.4	Thanks for listening.
	...

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