You Shame Yourself First, So They Can't

Emotional Badass

Nikki Eisenhauer

Self-improvement, Health & Fitness, Education, Mental Health

4.8 • 2.2K Ratings

🗓️ 28 June 2026

⏱️ 28 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Shame is the swampy, cracked foundation underneath every boundary that keeps crumbling on you, and most people have no idea it's there. Understanding where your shame came from, even knowing it belonged to the people who hurt you, rarely dissolves it. We learn to shame ourselves first, a twisted attempt at control that only buries us deeper. Real change asks for something far more human than knowledge: the slow, layer-by-layer work of emotional strength training that lets peace become your foundation again. Resources: - The Yearly Boundaries Intensive ⁠https://www.EmotionalBadass.com/Boundaries - Work with Me 1:1: https://www.EmotionalBadass.com/coaching - 30 Days to Peace Course: https://www.EmotionalBadass.com/peace CODE: BADASS for 30% Off - The Book by Book Club: https://www.EmotionalBadass.com/bookclub - Intro To Boundaries https://www.EmotionalBadass.com/intro - Mapping your Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse Workshop https://www.EmotionalBadass.com/workshops CODE: BADASS for 30% Off - Get the Patternscapes Wellness Deck ⁠https://www.getpatternscapes.com - Join the Patreon Community: ⁠https://www.patreon.com/emotionalbadass - Download the FREE Morning Routine PDF ⁠https://www.emotionalbadass.com/morning - Join our newsletter https://www.emotionalbadass.com/newsletter - Check out our Guided Meditations https://www.emotionalbadass.com/store/meditations Follow us on Social Media: Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/emotionalbadass IG: https://www.instagram.com/emotional.badass FB: https://www.facebook.com/emotionalbadass TIKTOK: https://www.tiktok.com/@emotionalbadass Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	And the truth is that once shame grew into me, I then participated in shaming myself as a practice.
0:07.7	Not because something's wrong with me, but because that's how shame works in a human.
0:13.2	Shaming myself became some kind of twisted way to avoid ever being blindsided by someone else shaming me. So I learn to shame myself first
0:23.6	as some false, yes, often even pathetic, twisted, unhealthy, dysfunctional form of trying to control,
0:35.0	not feeling shame. I brought on more shame because part of being a human with this
0:42.4	human condition is that we do what we know. Hello and welcome to the show. This is emotional
0:50.8	badass where Moxie meets Mindful. I'm your host, Nikki Eisenhower, live coach and psychotherapist.
0:57.1	And on today's episode, we're discussing shame as it relates to boundaries.
1:05.5	Before we get started, a little announcement, the Boundaries Intensive 2026 is now open for sign up. If you're a past participant, check little announcement. The Boundaries Intensive, 2026, is now open for sign up.
1:12.7	If you're a past participant, check your email for a 50% off code.
1:17.2	If you're in our Patreon, check Patreon or a Patreon email for your Patreon code that saves
1:23.8	150 off the full price of the intensive.
1:27.3	And if you want to sign up right now, you're a listener.
1:30.0	You've been hanging out with us for a while.
1:31.8	We have an early bird code for you.
1:33.6	Just use code early bird to save $100 and secure your spot.
1:38.7	If you are in need of payment plans, we have that too.
1:41.2	We work really hard to make the boundaries intensive available to anyone
1:46.3	who wants to do it. So we also have payment plans that are very, very affordable. Let 2026 be the year
1:53.0	that you gain mastery over boundaries. To find out more and sign up, head on over to
1:58.8	Emotionalbadass.com slash boundaries.
2:02.0	Today's episode is shame as it relates to boundaries. Shame really is the thing that gets
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