Welcome to the Daily Dad podcast where we provide one lesson every single day to help you with your most important job, being a parent.

I'm Ryan Holiday, and I draw these lessons from ancient philosophy, modern psychology, practical wisdom, and insights

from parents just like you all over the world.

Thank you for listening, and we hope this helps.

You're making them hungry.

It does work.

We have to concede that.

For generations, some parents have tried withholding praise, withholding pride, withholding

approval so that their kids don't feel entitled to it.

The idea is that this will make them hungry, make them really work for it.

No participation trophies here.

You've got to earn it in my house.

We have to concede that this approach works. It doesn't necessarily

make anyone into a champion or a conqueror, but it does make them hungry, and that can create a champion or a

conqueror. The problem, of course, is anyone who's experienced this themselves can tell you, is that it

makes a person insatiably hungry for pride and approval and affection. Worse, it makes you seek it everywhere. Because you didn't get it from mom or dad, you want it from your boss. Because you didn't get it from mom or dad, you need it from spouses and romantic partners. Because you didn't get it from mom and dad, you need it from the crowd, the audience, strangers on the street even. Again, sometimes this contributes to success in the world,

but just as often it's a debilitating weakness that prevents success, because just as important

as hunger and need can be as a motivator, confidence and independence and a sense of self are critical

variables to doing things well. So you're not spoiling your kids by praising them. You're

making them secure by withholding what they deserve most, the feeling that their parents believe in

them. You're not giving them motivation. You're giving them an Achilles heel. But this idea,

you know, of being your kid's biggest supporter, it's a nuance one. It requires,

...