This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Welcome to the Daily Dad podcast where we provide one lesson every single day to help you

with your most important job, being a parent.

I'm Ryan Holiday, and I draw these lessons from ancient philosophy, modern psychology, practical wisdom, and insights

from parents just like you all over the world. Thank you for listening, and we hope this

helps. You were made, not born. What does it mean to be a parent instead of just somebody that has kids?

We've talked about this many times. It's basically the premise of the Daily Dad book. It's a choice.

And it is that people choose to build their life around this. They choose to be different than their

own parents, to be an ancestor instead of a ghost. They choose to work

on themselves, to work hard at this. They decide that it's not too late for change. Being a great

parent isn't something you're born with. It's not something you're just naturally good at. It's a

choice. And yet it's worth pointing out that it isn't something we're totally in control of.

There's a beautiful passage in the Velveteen rabbit, which something we're totally in control of. There's a beautiful

passage in the velveteen rabbit, which I've been reading to my son. We have a really cool edition

at the painted porch, by the way, where the young rabbit asks one of the seasons old, whether

becoming real, the process of being changed by the love of a child is something that has to do

with how a toy is made.

Is it about having certain parts, he asked? Does it require a certain makeup?

Real isn't how you're made, says the toy horse. It's something that happens to you.

When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you,

then you become real. So yes, it is a choice, but it's an unusual type of choice. It's the

decision, as we've talked about, to accept this process, to open yourself up to it, to let it change

...