Welcome to the Daily Dad podcast, where we provide one lesson every single day to help you with your most important job, being a parent.

I'm Ryan Holiday, and I draw these lessons from ancient philosophy, modern psychology, practical wisdom, and insights from

parents just like you all over the world. Thank you for listening, and we hope this helps.

You're depriving them of this. We all know those strict parents. We might even be a little

jealous of them. Their house seems so

orderly. Their kids are so polite, so obedient, so respectful. They do what they're told. They go

along. They aren't difficult. Your kids listen to their coach. They listen to you as their teacher

for homeschool. My kids would laugh in my face. Maybe you've even seen some of these parents in the

comments section on Daily Dad's Instagram. I see them all the time. The nonchalance with which

they talk about the control they have over their kids, the power they seem to wield about the

decisions of the family that take it or leave itness that seems to exist there. You've heard of

tiger moms and the

intentionality with which they've designed their children's lives and future. And at some level,

it seems to work. Their kids do get into Harvard or ace the SATs. And look, to each their own,

if it works for them, so be it. But we've talked a lot about this here recently, about the costs

of this control, that in the process of raising an obedient deferential child, it can ultimately

end an adult who goes out into the world where people slightly less loving than their parents

exploit this habit of submission. There's a great couple sentences in Arthur T. Vanderbilt's book on

his family history, specifically a rather domineering mother named Alva Vanderbilt and her daughter

Consuelo Vanderbilt. For all the training Alva provided her daughter, Vanderbilt writes,

she unwittingly neglected to teach Consuelo the most important skill of all, how to

think for herself. Alva so dominated Consuelo that she grew up into a shy, submissive,

...