You Keep Dating the Same Person Over and Over

Sex With Emily

Sexuality, Health & Fitness

4.2 • 6.7K Ratings

🗓️ 23 December 2025

⏱️ 63 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

EPISODE SUMMARY In this episode, Emily sits down with Amy Chan—founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp and author of Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart—to explore why we keep choosing the wrong partners and how to break the cycle. Amy shares her revolutionary 12-person dating experiment that forces clients to date outside their type, revealing how our "type" isn't about physical traits but the emotional patterns we unconsciously repeat. From spotting unavailable partners to understanding the difference between passionate love and companionate love, this conversation reframes dating as a discovery process rather than a high-stakes audition. Amy breaks down why great daters often struggle in relationships, how to recognize your recurring emotional patterns, and why your best friend you want to make out with might be the person you've been overlooking all along. In this episode, you'll learn: • Your "type" is an emotional pattern, not a physical one—by identifying the five main emotions from your last three relationships, you can spot the cycle you keep repeating (like anxiety from chasing unavailable partners) and consciously choose different experiences • The dating experiment that rewires your brain—dating 12 people outside your type without getting into a relationship removes the pressure of finding "the one" and trains you to be present, recognize how you actually feel with someone, and notice who genuinely treats you well • Why passionate love fades and what replaces it—the neurochemical high of early romance naturally transitions to companionate love, and understanding this shift helps you stop mistaking familiarity for incompatibility and start building the deeper intimacy that sustains long-term relationships • The dating funnel approach—treating early dates like lead generation (just asking "Am I having fun? Do I want to see them again?") instead of evaluating someone as your future life partner eliminates job-interview energy and lets authentic connection emerge naturally • Stop performing, start choosing—moving from "waiting to be chosen" to actively selecting partners based on how they make you feel (not just how they look on paper) puts you in control of your romantic life and attracts people who appreciate your authentic self More Dr. Emily: • Shop With Emily! Explore Emily’s favorite toys, pleasure accessories, bedroom essentials, and more — designed to support your pleasure and confidence. Free shipping on orders $99+ (some exclusions apply). • Join the SmartSX Membership: Access exclusive sex coaching, live expert sessions, community building, and tools to enhance your pleasure and relationships with Dr. Emily Morse. • Sex With Emily Guides: Explore pleasure, deepen connections, and enhance intimacy using these Sex With Emily downloadable guides. • The only sex book you’ll ever need: Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure • Want more? Visit the Sex With Emily Website • Let’s get social: Instagram | X | Facebook | TikTok | Threads | YouTube • Let’s text: Sign up here • Want me to slide into your email inbox? Sign Up Here for sex tips on the regular. This episode is sponsored by… Bellesa EVERYONE who signs up wins a FREE toy or gift card! https://www.bboutique.co/vibe/emilymorse-podcast" Bathmate- https://bathmatedirect.com/sexwithemily/v4/podcast Timestamps:

Transcript

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0:00.0	If you're constantly exposed to people who make you feel like you have to walk on eggshells,
0:08.6	who are criticizing you, you're not building the necessary neural pathways for trust and
0:13.5	healthy connection. So it's going to be nearly impossible for you suddenly to be at the bar
0:18.8	and be like, okay, like, I'm going to trust you.
0:22.3	You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your
0:27.1	pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. In today's episode, you're going to hear
0:31.7	from a powerful woman changing the game and how we do relationships. From breakups to
0:36.5	proper dating and long-lasting love, Amy Chan is the
0:39.4	founder of Renew Breakup Boot Camp and the author of Breakup Boot Camp, The Science of Rearing Your Heart.
0:44.7	And she's just an overall fun human. I love talk to her. And as you'll hear in today's
0:49.3	podcast, we get into how to measure your chemistry compass. Why it's important to date that short
0:53.7	person, even if they aren't your type. And my personal favorite, how to measure your chemistry compass, why it's important to date that short person,
0:54.5	even if they aren't your type. And my personal favorite, how to spot the green flags in
0:58.8	relationship. And check out my new articles, how to come on the face, you guys are loving that one,
1:03.5	and seven solo sex positions. Those are all up on sexdomily.com. All right, everyone, enjoy this
1:09.8	episode.
1:20.3	Stop what you're doing and listen closely because Belessa and I are giving away free spicy toys or gift cards to every single one of you. That's right, everyone who signs up wins
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1:44.8	ever silent vibrators. If you live with roommates, parents, or even if your partner is sleeping
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1:54.1	pro. They just won up their best-selling pebble with a stronger, smarter, and seriously
1:58.6	spicy redesign. Belas has somehow figured out how to engineer a one-stop pleasure shop with three interchangeable heads. It sucks, it hamps, it licks, it vibrates, I'm speechless. And of course, I had to hook all of you up. So my friends at Bolesa are sending out free toys or gift cards for toys to everyone who signs up. You heard that right. Every single one of you
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