Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of date yourself instead. I hope everyone's having an incredible Monday so far wherever you are in the world.

I know I have a lot of people who do not live in the US that listen to the podcast so it might not be morning for you right now but it's morning for me where I am so I always say good morning and if it's good afternoon good evening for you.

That's great. That's cool. I think it's so cool that there's people just from all over the world listening like I think that is the coolest fucking thing ever.

And it makes me so grateful and appreciative and it makes me want to travel more to different cities. I might be doing a podcast tour in 2024 which I'm super excited about.

I just have to figure out the logistics of that but if you guys would be interested in me touring and coming to your city shoot me a DM at list or at date yourself and said and let me know if you're interested and if you would come to a live taping or live podcast show.

I don't even really know what it would entail yet I would have to like plan everything and figure it out but I think it would be so much fun.

So if you would be interested in something like that shoot me a DM and maybe I'll put something together for next year.

Anyways, we're just going to jump right into today's episode because I've had so many people over the last few weeks DMing me the craziest shit like the craziest scenarios and situations about their situation ships people there recently dating relationships marriage.

You name it I've been hearing crazy shit like more intense than I've ever heard in my life I don't know what's going on I don't know what's in the air right now maybe it's because you know it's August we're going to into September now and people are just looking to be single I don't know what it is but there's a lot of people going through breakups right now so I wanted to cover a few different things on today's episode.

The first thing being the lack of urgency when you're getting to know someone or if you're actually already dating them or if you're married to them whatever your circumstances are it could even be a friendship.

Okay, the lack of urgency with another person is the biggest turn off it's the biggest if you feel like someone isn't wanting to hang out with you wanting to see wanting to make plans with you or give you any sort of decent amount of time.

It can be a huge turn off and it could also make you kind of question how much they actually care about you and how much they actually like you right so there was a guy that DM me I'm going to keep it very anonymous but he DM me asking for advice on a situation where someone wasn't being really responsive when it came to him asking for a plan.

It was like you know this woman I really am interested in she's not really showing me any sense of urgency like she's not showing me any type of genuine interest to like hang out and for me I'm like okay well that could be for a number of reasons it doesn't all have to be bad it doesn't have to be like she doesn't care about you or she's not interested however.

More often times than not you kind of know intuitively and you kind of know in your gut if someone's actually wanting to be around you and wanting to see you I mean actions speak for themselves so my advice was you know it's still early in the relationship so you can figure it out along the way and you know give that person some time.

To come forward and actually initiate on their end but if you're just not comfortable with a dynamic early on and you're not really happy the biggest thing you could do or the best thing you could do is just to communicate how you fucking feel and be open transparent because you're not going to fuck up what's meant for you you're not going to ruin a situation if this person is actually the love of your life in your soul mate right you can't fuck something up if that person.

Is your person and I always think about things like that when I'm in a situation with someone where I'm not sure what's going on and I'm a little uncertain communication is fucking key so that's my best advice if anyone's going through a situation right now where you feel you know a lack of urgency from the other person to see you to want to spend time with you to want to be with you or you know they're not replying to you they're not replying to your text and it's been.

Seven hours in between text and the conversation is just dead and slow and you're just like what the fuck is going on or you could be in a serious relationship with someone and they're distancing themselves from you and they're going cold and they're saying they don't really know what they want out of their future with you any situation goes it could even be your best friend pulling away and saying she doesn't want to hang out with you whatever the fuck it is

communication is going to resolve most issues it's the feeling of not being able to speak up because you're walking on eggshells and you don't want to fuck anything up that holds you back from getting a clear answer and getting the clarity you need and I always say yes communication can be difficult it can be intimidating it can be something that we're afraid to do because we don't want to fuck anything up however.

Nothing's going to fuck up what's meant for you so if you're saying how you feel and this person doesn't reciprocate it's a blessing okay move on the universe is going to clear that situation up for you so you could actually open yourself up to meeting a new person to making new friends to a new opportunity you could have never even imagined in the first place because you were so stuck on this other person I'll give you another example.

Where I was speaking to someone who was playing hot and cold games from day one and there would be periods of time where he was obsessive up my ass texting me wanting to call me wanting to make plans wanting to see me and then we would hang out or we would talk and then three days would go by and he wouldn't text me or he wouldn't call me.

And I knew what he was doing obviously you're seeing other people you're doing your thing you're out with your friends fine it's all well and good but I was so frustrated because I just wanted clarity and when you're in this weird.

Confusing situation with someone where you like them but then they're changing their behaviors every fucking few days it can be exhausting and draining and that alone should be your answer like if someone's draining you and making you feel uncomfortable from the get go that should be your answer that they're probably not the right person for you and they're probably not someone you should want to be with long term.

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