You can’t always get what you want & other tales

Simon Mayo's Confessions

Bauer Media

Comedy

5 • 1.2K Ratings

🗓️ 26 January 2024

⏱️ 58 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Would you sell your wife’s car to get to a concert or send your husband a fake invoice from the vet? – Introducing Karl, Fergus, Smudge, and ‘Puffing Billy’ all hoping to find some forgiveness.

Simon recalls the infamous goat and hamster confessions from days gone by – different times (very different times). There’s some unmissable culinary advice if you’re unsure what to pair with your Angel Delight, and more bonus confessions from the producer’s file marked ‘Not for broadcast’.

Plus, we delve deep into the crypt for a classic confession; ‘Dropkick Me Jesus Through The Goalposts Of Life’, in which Trisha finds herself in something of a tight spot at the crematorium.

Send your confessions and notes for the Parish Notice Board to [email protected]

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	How exciting is it to play the British Heart Foundation's weekly flutter?
0:03.7	Kachin! Exciting enough to get your heart racing, just a little bit.
0:09.5	Like texting a mate, the same time they text you.
0:13.0	Like flipping pancakes with majestic grace,
0:16.0	or spotting that last parking space.
0:19.0	Yes!
0:20.0	With the added joy of knowing the money you donate
0:22.0	helps to fund life-saving research.
0:25.0	One pound to play, a thousand pounds to win every week.
0:28.0	Search British Heart Foundation weekly lottery.
0:31.0	See, it's a little bit exciting.
0:33.0	Gamble responsibly, over 18s only, T's and C's apply.
0:36.0	Please see our website for more details.
0:38.0	British Heart Foundation is a registered charity.
0:40.0	Halifax presents. Bad Move.
0:42.0	Bad Move, Good Move.
0:44.0	Bad Move, trusting your other half to put up shelves to hold the China your lovely Nan left you.
0:49.0	Oh yeah, jobs are gooden.
0:53.0	Oops.
0:55.0	Oops.
0:56.0	Good move.
0:57.0	Joining the one in five first-time buyers who choose a Halifax mortgage.
	...

Please login to see the full transcript.

Previous episode | Next episode

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Bauer Media, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of Bauer Media and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.