I'm Christopher Titus, and this is the Armageddon update.

The Chinese calendar.

All the animals that represent each of the years are on the calendar.

The rat, the rabbit, the snake, the dragon.

Personally, I am a dragon.

Born in the year 1964. I don't know what that means, but when I have Mexican food, I do shoot

fire. Dragons have certain traits. My traits are lucky, flexible, eccentric, imaginative, artistic,

spiritual, charismatic, and I hate when some weird system based on nothing nails me to the wall,

although they forgot sexy. On the other hand, the proof that the Chinese calendar is bogus and

full of dragon feces is how it describes sweet potato Hitler. Donald Trump is the year of the dog.

And how accurate did the Chinese describe this moron? Loyal, sociable,

courageous, diligent, steady, lively, adaptable, smart. All right, let's go down that list.

Loyal. Trump has sold out any and every person that helped him. McConnell, Chris Christie, Jeff

Sessions, Mike Pence. Well, I mean, I don't know if he sold Mike Pence out, but he tried to have him killed. So Trump is as loyal as my ex-wife. You got it wrong, Chinese Zodak, unless you're talking about his loyalty to Putin, and then, all right, I'll give it to you. Socible. Well, they got that one, right? He loves to have people get together for wild parties at the Capitol.

Okay, Chinese calendar one out of two. Courageous? God, he is courageous. Remember when he had a bunch of snowflakes protesting near the White House and Trump had to go hide in the bunker?

So brave. Freedom! Diligent.

What diligent means having or showing care and conscientiousness in one's work or duties.

So you mean the dude that stayed in bed watching TV until 11 a.m. and golf 320 days while he was president?

Come on, Chinese calendar, you're dropping the ball here!

Or whatever the word for ball and Chinese is.

When it comes to crime and indictments, however, he's very diligent.

This one's a wash, Chinese calendar.

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