XYBM Clips: Why Beatings Stop Behavior in Children — But Don’t Actually Fix The Problem
Express Yourself Black Man
Kizzle
5.0 • 556 Ratings
🗓️ 28 January 2026
⏱️ 9 minutes
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Summary
In XYBM 148, I sit down with Dr. Amber Thornton, a licensed Clinical Psychologist and author, to discuss gentle and conscious parenting and what it looks like in Black families. Dr. Thornton shares how self-regulation, emotional intelligence, and intentional parenting help children build emotional resiliency without fear, control, or corporal punishment. We explore conscious parenting, the long-term impact of fear-based discipline, setting expectations and routines early, and how healing misunderstandings strengthens parent-child relationships, closing with a direct message to Black fathers.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | The research shows us that corporal punishment or physical punishments, harsh punishments, |
| 0:06.2 | over time in the long run, do not change behavior. |
| 0:10.8 | They change it in the short run. |
| 0:12.9 | Okay. |
| 0:13.4 | So like you said, that example of you hear your parents coming up, you're about to clean real quick. |
| 0:17.5 | Yeah. |
| 0:17.9 | But you look 10 years out, your brother still has the same habits. |
| 0:21.4 | Right. It did not make a long-term difference, but what it could have done potentially, |
| 0:25.8 | and I don't want to speak for your family, but, and what it does for many people is what it |
| 0:31.8 | takes away from the emotional capacity of the child, but then also be emotional capacity for the parent-child dynamic. |
| 0:40.9 | So it changes the behavior in the short run, but not the long run. |
| 0:45.1 | But also when you're introducing corporal punishment or harsh punishments, |
| 0:50.5 | again, it's hard to be open and vulnerable and transparent and emotionally connected with someone who is also hurting you. |
| 0:59.9 | Yeah. |
| 1:00.7 | It compromises the relationship because it's very hard to be in a true, honest, emotionally intelligent, connective relationship with someone when you fear them. |
| 1:15.3 | It kind of shuts off that and then you they don't really get to know you well you're performing yeah based on what you're thinking |
| 1:20.6 | that you're expecting because that that introduction of fear is there yeah yeah so I actually want to |
| 1:27.3 | I'm thinking about my son I often have to tell him to |
| 1:30.3 | train his wrong. I believe he is also going to just be a kid who he might not be the tides. Yeah. |
| 1:38.2 | But because I practice gentle parenting, because I practice conscious parenting, because I want to |
| 1:43.2 | instill principles in him that will help guide him, but also I have conscious parenting, because I want to instill principles in him |
| 1:44.5 | that will help guide him, but also I have this awareness of he's going to be who he's going to be. |
... |
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