XYBM Clips: If every relationship ends the same…it might be you
Express Yourself Black Man
Kizzle
5.0 • 556 Ratings
🗓️ 3 June 2026
⏱️ 7 minutes
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Summary
In XYBM 157, we sit down with Bashea Williams, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Bashea breaks down what he sees most in his sessions with men — from emotional suppression rooted in traditional masculinity to the communication breakdowns that slowly damage relationships over time. Drawing from couples therapy, personal experience, and clinical frameworks, he helps us better understand validation, mirroring, boundaries, and the impact childhood trauma can have on the way we love as adults.
If you’ve ever struggled to communicate in relationships, felt misunderstood, or realized your past may be affecting the way you love today, this episode will leave you thinking differently about yourself, your relationships, and your healing
journey.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | If you're trying the same thing with different women that's not working, then it is you. |
| 0:04.0 | Right. And so figuring out why are you choosing the woman that you're choosing? |
| 0:08.0 | Why do you want a relationship? |
| 0:10.0 | Right. What has, what have you seen growing up? |
| 0:13.0 | Yeah. Like, what are you seeing in your environment? What are you comparing it to, right? |
| 0:17.0 | Are you dating from a deficit, right? And I say dating from a deficit if the last relationship I had, the woman wasn't good with money. So now I'm looking for a woman that's good with money. Meanwhile, the new woman is disrespectful, the old woman was respectful, right? So now you're only looking for the thing that you didn't get in the last relationship. So sometimes you don't sit down and create the, and they say don't create a list, but |
| 0:38.7 | you really do need to create a list for yourself. |
| 0:41.5 | What about me am I willing to give in a relationship, but what about me I'm going to put a |
| 0:45.4 | boundary on in this relationship so I don't exhaust myself because I think I need to do this |
| 0:52.5 | thing. |
| 0:53.6 | Communication, how do I want to show up, how don I want to provide? How don't want to be provided to? Yeah. You really need to write those things down and sit down with it. It's like, what does this healthy relationship look like for me? What about the men that are dealing with breakups or like divorce? We see that too on our platform. |
| 1:11.2 | Like men will come in and like they're like devastated because they're navigating their |
| 1:15.7 | divorce and maybe they lost the house. |
| 1:19.0 | Like they're not able to stay in a house. |
| 1:20.7 | Like they're renting out a hotel or whatever the case may or their own spot. |
| 1:25.6 | How do you help men that are navigating divorce? Like do you see that in your session sometimes? Yeah, yeah. And I think it's important when that time, we tend to isolate. Okay. And we shouldn't do that. Okay. We need to. I know it feels like shame, but we need to be surrounded by people who love us who show up for us. You got it. You need to find your crew that you get, you have fun with. They need to be there for you. You need to reach out and say, yo, I'm really struggling with this. I would try to do this in isolation. Like the DM is still isolation for sure, right? And so there needs to be some groups that you need to join. Of course, advocate of therapy or coaching, right? You need to get with somebody |
| 2:02.3 | that helps you kind of navigate these little systems. You need to create your own system, |
| 2:07.2 | but don't sit in isolation, man. Like, that's the worst thing you can do. I know it feels like |
| 2:11.4 | because you just had a traumatic loss, but don't sit in that by yourself. So what else? You said |
| 2:17.0 | don't sit in isolation. What are some other else? You said don't sit in isolation. |
| 2:18.4 | What are some other things, though? |
| 2:20.3 | Check your eating. |
... |
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