XYBM Clips: Ask yourself these questions before getting in a relationship
Express Yourself Black Man
Kizzle
5.0 • 556 Ratings
🗓️ 15 October 2025
⏱️ 11 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
In XYBM 141, I sit down with James Harris — licensed mental health professional, Army veteran, and founder of Men to Heal. We dive deep into the ongoing journey of healing, the impact of trauma, and how childhood adversity can shape the way we move through the world. James shares powerful stories from his upbringing, his time in the military, and navigating his mother’s early onset dementia — all while breaking down what depression and trauma responses really look like for Black men.
We also talk about therapy: how to find the right therapist and why it’s so important for Black men and veterans to have spaces where they can heal and be understood.
This episode is especially meaningful to me because James was one of the first mental health professionals to support Express Yourself Black Man — back when we had less than 10K followers. So if you support us now, know that he supported us then. Show him some love and follow him — he wants to see you win!
Tune in this episode on all podcast platforms — including YouTube.
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BOOK US FOR SPEAKING + BRAND DEALS:
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Explore our diverse collaboration opportunities as the leading and fastest-growing Black men's mental health platform on social media. Let's create something dope for your brand/company.
Take the first step by filling out the form on our website: https://www.expressyourselfblackman.com/speaking-brand-deals
HOW TO FIND A DOPE, BLACK THERAPIST:
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We are teaching a FREE webinar on how to find a dope, Black therapist – sign up for the next session here: https://event.webinarjam.com/channel/black-therapist
All webinar attendees will have the opportunity to be paired with a Black mental health professional in Safe Haven. We have had 1K+ people sign up for this webinar in the past. Don’t miss out. Slots are limited.
SAFE HAVEN:
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Safe Haven is a holistic healing platform built for Black men by Black men. In Safe Haven, you will be connected with a Black mental health professional, so you can finally heal from the things you find it difficult to talk about AND you will receive support from like-minded Black men that are all on their healing journey, so you don’t have to heal alone.
Join Safe Haven Now: https://www.expressyourselfblackman.com/safe-haven
SUPPORT THE PLATFORM:
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Safe Haven: https://www.expressyourselfblackman.com/safe-haven
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FOLLOW US:
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TikTok: @expressyourselfblackman (https://www.tiktok.com/@expressyourselfblackman) Instagram:
Host: @expressyourselfblackman (https://www.instagram.com/expressyourselfblackman)
Guest: @men_to_heal (https://www.instagram.com/men_to_heal/) (https://www.mentoheal.com/)
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/ExpressYourselfBlackMan
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/expressyourselfblackman
Transcript
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| 0:22.7 | along with fantastic incentives to make your move even easier. Search Bellway Penwood Grange |
| 0:28.6 | today. Healing is now one of those things with a set destination, you know, so you can't say |
| 0:34.7 | I'm going to do X, Y, Z, and I'm going to be healed. Okay. Like, that's continuous work, you know. So also, you got to think, too, like, am I, is this the person that I want to be with? Am I going to be with this person? Because probably 70% of relationships are based on attraction. Okay. Not necessarily compatibility. So you with this person based on attraction, not really compatibility. |
| 0:55.8 | So are y'all really supposed to be together? Like can y'all foster when things get tough? |
| 1:00.5 | Like, is this your person? Is this where you want to be ultimately ingo, family, the house, |
| 1:06.7 | you know, lifestyle? All those things has to be answered throughout that. So sometimes it's difficult |
| 1:11.8 | because you realize, like, even during the pandemic, a lot of people were together for years, |
| 1:16.3 | but now I'm being in your space all day, every day, I realize, like, you ain't who I thought you |
| 1:21.6 | were. You know, so those things can be difficult. So to understand that and to know that, |
| 1:27.1 | I think it's when you're supposed to take |
| 1:28.6 | a step back from you, not necessarily the relationship, but to see, like, what's going on here? |
| 1:34.3 | Like, is this something that I need to uncover myself? And your partner got to do the same thing. |
| 1:39.2 | Because ultimately, realistically, as a human, you continue to grow in Excel. Your other, your partner is growing |
| 1:45.6 | and excelling too, but in their own right. So if it's like this, at your height, y'all think |
| 1:50.6 | y'all are, and then somebody's like this, you know, am I going to reach back and get you, |
| 1:54.9 | or as your partner, well, let me speed up and see. And that can be anything. That can be |
| 1:59.3 | finances. That can be career wise. That can be finances. That can be career-wise. |
| 2:01.9 | That can be moving or transitioning to another location. Like all those things. Like, are we still |
| 2:07.5 | here together? Or is it, you know what I'm saying? Is it that unbalanced? So when that unbalanced |
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