Hi, this is Janet Landsbury. Welcome to Unruffold. This week I'm responding to a parent who reacted to an article of mine that I reposted recently called Set Limits Without Yelling.

She has a two and a half year old and the child seems to be constantly testing her and this parent's struggling to keep a cool head.

So just to give you a sense of this article, if you haven't read it, I discussed what I call some common discipline missteps.

And by missteps I don't mean that we're terrible parents or we're doing these terribly wrong things.

It simply means that these are things we do because we think they're going to help but they actually get in our own way because they tend to exacerbate and maybe intensify our children's concerning behavior.

Now these are normal things that we all do so there's no judgment here but it will help us to notice that these can set us up for more problems so it's good to get a handle on them.

One is yelling. Two is not sitting limits early enough which often leads to us yelling or feeling like yelling.

Three we're not following through which can also lead us to yelling.

And here's the comment I received.

Oh Janet this comes right in the moment when I'm feeling so sad because I feel like a failure. I'm struggling with my two and a half year old who's testing me dozens of times a day.

Reading this makes me think that I too wait much longer than I should before taking action until I feel worn out with no patience left at all and I end up yelling.

It doesn't help that she's always looking for me doing things with me being on my lap or even nursing as soon as I sit down she comes looking for nurses when she plays she wants me there eight times out of 10

and since beginning play school not sure what it's called in English anyway it's the school I work out as well so she sees me there with other kids it's obviously gotten worse.

She wants mommy for every single thing even feeding sometimes she doesn't want to be left home with anybody else but me when I try to go out once a week the only two hours I keep for myself all week to exercise.

I try to have quality time with her every day but I obviously have a house to run besides work so I can't spend all the time playing with her.

This thing on the cake is the screaming she's done that for ages first screaming for no reason and she has a voice so loud it's unbelievable now both for no reason and when she can't have something the way she'd like.

We tried ignoring first then telling her that's not the right way to ask or say things and replying only when she would say things in a normal voice.

Sometimes but not every time possibly because we lost it a few times me and my partner maybe she knows that's a switch for us when she yells right in your ear and you go deaf for a moment it's really hard to keep cool so sometimes we actually yell back stop screaming do you like this.

I know a very low point I never thought it would get like this that I would end up this tired frustrated and miserable for knowing I'm not doing or any favor by being this week.

But that is where we are right now I have to admit I'm relieved those days when she naps in the afternoon happens rarely and I know it shouldn't be this way.

I portrayed her like a bad kid obviously she's not it's just as if there was a communication breakdown many times sorry for venting this out this article made me think I need to try again in a different manner.

Hopefully we're still in time I will try to make some time for reading as many older posts as I can and read again your book I haven't had left it but it seems I need a lot of repetition to get things to stick in my brain.

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