This is the BBC World Service. I am Santa Safi and welcome to World of Wisdom.

The place where we explore some of the personal issues that life turns up.

Have you ever suffered something that you found it very difficult to forgive? Has

that ever become a burden for you and the people you're closest to. Sometimes forgiving somebody

can be one of the hardest things to do. Joey contacted us about a painful

family rift.

He was visiting his parents in Lebanon and we put him in touch with Gary Zukoff, teacher

and author of the Universal Human.

This is the shortened version of their conversation.

I have a problem with my brother that has caused a huge rift with my family. I married and emigrated to Germany where my brother was also living there.

He said things that created issues between me and my parents in law. It became so serious that it eventually led to my divorce and I returned to my home country.

Since then I have worked through my issues with my wife.

We have remarried and I returned to live with her in Germany,

but the issue is that I am very angry with my brother and the trouble he caused me.

I'm also angry with my parents for still talking to him as though nothing has happened.

Well, Julie, I so admire you for sharing these difficulties, which I feel millions of people are experiencing, not in your unique situation, but in a larger

context of cultures, families, all becoming separated and attempting to merge,

and attempting to merge again.

So I'm touched by your story,

and for me, the issue is as you mentioned forgiveness as you focused it and I think that's one of the most important things I know in my life. Would you be open to looking at forgiveness from what may be a new perspective?

Of course, because that's a huge problem. It's always an issue in our family and I really need to have disclosure.

Oh, I so understand that. Not forgiving is like carrying a heavy backpack and two suitcases filled with rocks through an

...