World Expert on Fatherhood & Love: The Truth About Monogamy, Breakups & The Science of Love! Dr. Anna Machin

The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett

FlightStory

Society & Culture, Business, Education

4.6 • 13.2K Ratings

🗓️ 3 July 2025

⏱️ 142 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

World Renowned Fatherhood Expert Dr Anna Machin reveals the #1 lie about monogamy, how cheating hijacks human brains, and the evolutionary truth behind love, trust, and fatherhood! Dr Anna Machin is an evolutionary anthropologist and relationship scientist known for her groundbreaking research on human connection, love, fatherhood, and attachment. She is also the author of books such as, 'Why We Love: The New Science Behind Our Closest Relationships'. She explains: How cheating activates your brain’s reward system like an addiction. Why modern men are in emotional crisis and how society is breaking them. The hormonal reason you fall for the wrong person again and again. How your DNA, oxytocin, and dopamine shape who you love and trust. 00:00 Intro 02:31 Why Love Is the Core of Being Human 07:29 The Forgotten Role of Fathers 09:26 Individualism and the Current State of Love 15:00 Women Find Their Right Partner by Smelling Them 20:37 Testosterone Is Linked to Success in Men 22:07 How to Increase Your Attractiveness (Backed by Science) 26:39 Never Say This on a Date 27:52 Are “Icks” Red Flags We Should Listen To? 30:14 We’ve Got Too Many Dating Options 34:01 Monogamy and Polyamory 40:23 Why People in Polyamorous Relationships Hide It 42:05 Are We All Pretending to Be Monogamous? 43:25 Why the First 1000 Days Are Critical for a Baby 49:10 Rough and Tumble: The Parenting Technique Everyone Should Teach 52:06 How Your Brain and Body Change When Becoming a Dad 54:41 Why Some Dads Don’t Instantly Bond With Their Kids 58:38 Mental Health Issues From Lacking a Father Figure Early On 1:02:16 Implications of an Absent Mother 1:11:24 Biological Fathers vs. Father Figures 1:12:57 Father Figures in Lesbian Couples 1:15:04 Are Parents Needed in the First Two Years? 1:21:27 The Optimal Scenario to Raise a Child 1:26:19 How Dads Can Bond With Their Newborns 1:30:02 Love Drugs 1:38:51 Understanding Attachment Styles 1:43:14 Is Modern Society Pushing Us Toward a Specific Attachment Style? 1:44:36 Doomscrolling on Dating Apps? This Is Your Attachment Style 1:47:43 How to Change Your Attachment Style 1:51:41 How ADHD May Impact Your Love Life 1:57:48 Do People With ADHD Cheat More Often? 2:01:59 How to Contain Your Impulses 2:03:18 Sex Life and Neurodivergence 2:04:04 Relationships as the Biggest Factor in Health and Longevity 2:10:20 What Happens to the Brain When It's in Love 2:14:23 When Did You Feel Like You’d Made It? Follow Dr Anna: Instagram - https://bit.ly/45ElU4p Website - https://bit.ly/3GcTT9S You can purchase Dr Anna’s book, ‘Why We Love: The New Science Behind Our Closest Relationships’, here: https://bit.ly/3GjfOfo You can purchase Dr Anna’s book ‘The Life of Dad: The Making of a Modern Father’, here: https://bit.ly/4lbtE2A Get your hands on the Diary Of A CEO Conversation Cards here: https://bit.ly/conversationcards-mp Get email updates: https://bit.ly/diary-of-a-ceo-yt Follow Steven: https://g2ul0.app.link/gnGqL4IsKKb Sponsors: KetoneIQ - Visit https://ketone.com/STEVEN for 30% off your subscription order Shopify - https://shopify.com/bartlett Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Exclusively on Disney Plus.
0:02.0	It's hard and it's brutal and that's what makes it special.
0:06.0	The multi-award winning series, FX's The Bear, is back for a brand new season.
0:11.0	Upon my signal, unleash hell.
0:15.0	And every second counts.
0:17.0	When that shows zero, this restaurant ceases operations.
0:21.8	FX is the bear.
0:23.1	New season now streaming exclusively on Disney Plus.
0:27.3	18 plus subscription required season C's apply.
0:30.2	We are not a monogamous species.
0:32.4	It's a social construct.
0:33.9	And I get attacked for saying things like this.
0:35.6	But sexual monogamy from an evolution point of view
0:37.5	is not a good idea. That's why we have a reasonably high rate of people who have extra marital affairs. So do you think we're all somewhat pretending to be monogamous? Who do you think struggles with it more men or women? And you said that there's not a difference in well-being and satisfaction between polyamory or monogamy? Absolutely none. How do you know this? Because we've done studies on it.
0:54.7	And I've committed the last two decades of my life
0:56.5	to understand the neuroscience of love. Dr. Anna Machen is the Oxford-trained evolutionary anthropologist. Using science to decode attraction. Attachment styles. Love addiction. And now the crucial roles of the father. So here's the play. When you look for a partner, we don't know
1:12.5	we're doing it. And it involves two very distinct areas of the brain. So there's the unconscious
1:17.0	stage. That's where you've taken loads of sensory information about them. So for example,
1:21.6	if you're a woman, you can smell genetic compatibility. Wait, so men can't smell women,
1:26.5	but women can smell them. Well, you can smell them, but it's not going to give you any information about genetic compatibility. So your brain is going to help you assess whether they're any good for you. If you get a good ping, certain chemicals of the very core of the brain, take away the fear and gives you motivation. Now, human love is so complicated. So, for example, the chemistry that underpins love is also involved in
1:44.6	neurodiversity. So if I have ADHD or autism, how am I more likely to struggle in love?
1:49.9	This is really, really important. First of all, Dr. Machen, why are you talking about fatherhood?
	...

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