If anyone ever finds out I'm writing this down, they're going to kill me.

Not in a metaphorical getting yelled at a bit sort of way, not in a slightly more serious,

getting in legal trouble sort of way.

Not even in a sexy way, like getting choked out or cut in half vertically,

or beaten to death with my own decapitated arm or something.

At least, that's what Sidney tells me sexy. I'm not too sure about a taste

though. Nah, if they find out about this, I'm done. No excuses, no final words, no goodbye. So, uh, I'm really sticking out my bloody neck for you guys, getting this information out here. You're welcome. Actually, never mind, there's no need to thank me. Really,

don't thank me. I'm not doing it for you. Or for any future tourists who come across this

post or even to save the world from the inevitable return of the old gods, tethered as he is to the very ground I'm resting on now.

Nah, I'm just really bored man.

It's driving me up the bloody wall.

We don't get much Wi-Fi out here, and our next delivery isn't scheduled for another five days,

so I'm kind of running on empty when it comes to reading material.

Gordon stuck me on souvenir shop duty for the next week at least.

Just because I let the not platibus, a giant platibus looking thing that leads the drop bears, each of you tourists.

He's insufferable that guy is.

And a total power trip, just because he's the oldest and the smartest and the strongest and the most qualified and

probably the best looking objectively speaking.

Look point is I'm bored I'm young. Daddy issues are manifesting as an urge to stick it to the boss, who in this case is actually my literal father, and also the entire Australian government who have poured their hearts and souls and billions of taxpayer dollars into keeping this place under wraps

So I figured why not undo some of that work?

Write down a few of my experiences, publish it next time I get a modicum of internet.

Await my inevitable subsequent death, has at the very least a long-awaited end to the humiliation that is saying,

...