Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. America. It's time to podcast!

Yes, in the eighth year of the Korean War, America stood tall.

Now we found ourselves facing an unseen enemy, an enemy that no one could have predicted,

unless they'd had an entire federal government telling them how to predict it for the last ten years.

But don't worry, white people. White people will be protected under all costs during these times of trying.

Times? Better trying? Stop trying the times and rhyme the times.

Remember to wash your hands, and when you're in public, don't go near anyone.

Also, if anyone cheats, be sure to snitch on them.

Rest assured that giant white corporations will be bailed out to the tunes of billions of dollars,

while you'll be left to follow behind the truck begging for crumbs as you go along.

Understand this. We're in it on our own.

This newsflash, the government's being run by white death cultists, including a zombie prince who calls himself Mangle Mussolini.

Every afternoon he comes out of his crypt so that he may impute the public with disinformation. Don't believe him.

Now the camera turns to the world of show business. There isn't any. This is your show business. Hello.

I'm the smartest man in the world, Greg Proops. Here along with my wife, Jennifer, who I'll say her part because I'm a man.

This just in, from the world of sports. There aren't any sports. This is your sports as well.

Hi, I'm Greg Proops, broadcasting here live from the fortress of Pruppetude located somewhere in Los Angeles area.

Yes, the fortress of Pruppetude was specially built to withstand these tough, tough times. Built out of tough, durable fiber wood and tissue paper,

the fortress can stand up to 5,000 on the Richter scale and up to 5 million Chorox wipes on its door knobs.

Especially prepared in a studio built by my own hands. I've covered the walls with bolster wood and tin foil and lined the basement with marijuana and alcohol.

We'll be broadcasting live from the purpose of Pruppetude or the fortress of Pruppetude for the next 7 years. And now this announcement.

The person running the country is an insane man. He gets on TV every day and lies and brags. He puts down black women because he's a racist and homophobic as well. But don't be alarmed. We're still here and we're still together.

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