Willy’s Chocolate Experience Melts Down with Matt Bellassai and Sydney Battle | 27

The Big Flop

Wondery

Society & Culture, Comedy, Business

4.6 • 884 Ratings

🗓️ 15 March 2024

⏱️ 29 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Board the glass elevator down to Willy’s Chocolate Experience! This viral flop-in-progress has absolutely not infringed on the Willy Wonka IP. Why would you say that?! Advertised as a “pasadise of sweet treats”, in Glasgow, families traveled far and wide to experience a candy-filled, immersive wonderland. The misspelled marketing campaign promised a Twilight Tunnel and an Enchanted Garden! But what greeted them was both alarming and depressing: actors in bargain bin costumes performing a barely comprehensible A.I. written plot starring Willy McDuff, his Wonkidoodles and The Unknown. We rate this event one jelly bean!

Matt Bellassai and Sydney Battle from Wondery's Diss and Tell join Misha to dive head first into the (nonexistent) chocolate river and see what sweet treats Willy has in store (or not).

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Transcript

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0:00.0	Wondery Plus subscribers can listen to the Big Flop early and ad-free.
0:05.3	Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.
0:14.8	It's February of 2024.
0:21.6	Scottish stand-up comic Paul Connell is looking for some acting work.
0:26.6	He sees a casting call for a, quote,
0:29.6	chocolate factory experience and submits himself for the job.
0:33.6	On February 22nd, he gets the job. But it starts in just two days. That doesn't seem
0:42.4	strange to Paul. But it is strange that he's been cast as a character named Willie.
0:50.0	Hmm, a chocolate factory experience with a character named Willie?
0:54.6	Has he been cast as the Willie Wonka?
0:58.7	Paul is honored to portray a character that Gene Wilder absolutely crushed.
1:06.2	On February 23rd, the night before, Paul arrives at a barely decorated warehouse for a dress rehearsal.
1:15.3	But there isn't anything to dress him.
1:18.1	The costumes aren't ready.
1:20.1	And it's the first time he's seen the script.
1:23.1	The script is 15 pages long, mostly monologue, and Paul suspects it's AI generated, since parts of it are
1:32.6	completely incomprehensible. But as they say, the show must go on. Paul shrugs it off. Maybe the
1:41.1	special effects will be good enough to tie the whole thing together. Plus, he'd get to work with kids and make them laugh, handing out chocolate and seeing their smiling faces.
1:53.4	The next day, he shows up and notices right away that there is no chocolate. There are no special effects, and definitely no smiling faces.
2:04.6	Paul's costume looks like a cheap circus ringleader outfit from Amazon, and the warehouse
2:10.9	looks like a horror film set. He realizes what's going to happen? These kids aren't going to be entertained.
2:19.2	They're going to be scared to tears.
	...

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