Wicked Uncle's School Days dedicated to Amelia, Freya and Esther.

This is a story about an English school back in the day.

And in case you're listening across the pond, we should translate one word for you.

If you put gasoline into your car, we call that petrol.

And of course it features an old friend of ours, Uncle Jeff, also known as the Wicked Uncle.

Mum had to make 200 cucumber sandwiches before 3pm.

This wasn't a domestic duty.

Of course even the kids could not eat that many sandwiches after school.

Her job was catering and these were for an office party.

She had just 19 to go when she noticed that her phone had three missed calls.

Oh that's probably a nuisance caller.

She said to herself as she returned to her cucumbers.

Then her phone lit up again and she realised that it was on silent.

So this time she answered.

Hello.

She said.

It's the school office.

Said the voice on the phone.

The head teacher wants to see you about Jeremy at 4pm.

Oh I'm sorry.

But I really can't.

I have a deadline for work.

...