Why You Shouldn't Try to Get Closure From a Narcissist
Lisa A Romano Breakdown to Breakthroughs
Lisa A. Romano
4.8 • 805 Ratings
🗓️ 16 March 2026
⏱️ 25 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
If you feel a strong urge to explain yourself to a narcissist or finally have the conversation that fixes everything, this episode will help you understand why that pull exists — and why it rarely brings relief.
Many people healing from narcissistic abuse or codependency believe the relationship could change if they could communicate clearly enough… calmly enough… lovingly enough.
But the need to be understood is often not about communication.
It is about emotional survival wiring.
When connection once depended on managing another person's reactions, the brain learned to negotiate for safety.
So even after awareness, part of you still believes the right words will end the confusion.
In reality, explaining yourself often strengthens the trauma bond instead of resolving it.
In this episode we explore:
• why you feel compelled to confront a narcissist
• why narcissists don't process accountability the way you expect
• the psychology behind seeking closure from someone who can't provide it
• how communication becomes regulation-seeking
• why no contact feels harder than staying in the cycle
You are not weak for wanting to talk it out.
You are responding to a learned attachment survival pattern.
Healing begins when understanding yourself replaces needing them to understand you.
If you've ever thought:
"Maybe if I just said it better they would finally hear me"
or
"I need closure before I can move on"
This episode will help you understand why the cycle continues — and how stepping out of it is not avoidance, but recovery.
You are not giving up.
You are ending a negotiation your nervous system was never meant to win.
And thresholds don't feel safe — because they're new.
✨ Learn more about my work and resources:
https://www.lisaaromano.com
✨ Explore the 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program:
https://www.lisaaromano.com/12-wbcp
Topics:
narcissistic abuse recovery, codependency healing, trauma bonding, closure after toxic relationships, no contact guilt, emotional attachment patterns, people pleasing, boundaries, adult children of dysfunctional families, self abandonment, nervous system healing
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Welcome to Breakdown to Breakthrough, the podcast that empowers you to transform your life |
| 0:04.8 | by awakening to your true authentic self. I'm Lisa A. Romano, your host, as an award-winning author |
| 0:10.6 | and certified life coach, I've dedicated my life to helping others understand the incredible |
| 0:16.0 | power of an organized mind. I believe that true empowerment begins with awakening to our false self. |
| 0:23.2 | I created the Conscious Healing Academy, a three-part coaching and brain retraining program designed |
| 0:28.6 | to help individuals triumph over trauma and turn the breakdowns into powerful breakthroughs. |
| 0:34.5 | My mission is to support you on your journey toward mental and emotional |
| 0:38.6 | regeneration through conscious and deliberate awakening. In this podcast, I'll share insights, |
| 0:44.5 | tools, and transformative stories that illuminate the path to healing and self-discovery. |
| 0:49.8 | So today we're going to go over some key ideas that you might be able to use. |
| 0:54.3 | Hopefully you'll find them useful in your life that have to do with when you should speak |
| 1:00.7 | to someone who you think is highly narcissistic or who has a high conflict personality |
| 1:05.8 | and when you shouldn't. |
| 1:08.6 | And what sparked this session was someone reached out to me on social media |
| 1:13.6 | and was kind of confused by a recent post that I offered that was titled the Shetty |
| 1:21.5 | Shetty Club. And just a little backstory. So I'm always trying to come up with ways that empower people who have |
| 1:31.1 | either been born into unhealthy dynamics, who were raised by people who were emotionally immature. |
| 1:39.1 | And let's face it, if you're emotionally immature, you're self-centered, you take everything personal. Personally, |
| 1:45.6 | you have very thin skin, you distrust people. It's really kind of hard to be around somebody who is |
| 1:51.5 | emotionally immature. No matter how hard you try to like bring the conversation up, someone who is |
| 1:57.9 | highly emotionally immature is going to bring the conversation down. |
| 2:01.8 | Really tough to be around this person long term. And if you were born to this type of a person, |
... |
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