Why You Can’t Stop Thinking About Your Abuser—and When That Changes [326]
Flying Free
Natalie Hoffman
5 • 1K Ratings
🗓️ 6 May 2025
⏱️ 12 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Hey there, beautiful butterfly! It's Natalie here, and boy do I have an episode for you today that's going to make you feel SEEN in a way that might just take your breath away.
Have you ever found yourself at 3 AM, deep in a Google rabbit hole, trying to make sense of your husband's behavior like you're some kind of undercover FBI agent? Well, I'm here to tell you that this obsession isn't a sign you're losing it—it's actually the FIRST step toward your freedom.
In this episode, I'm breaking down the five stages of recovery from emotional abuse that I've witnessed time and again in my work with thousands of women:
- Discover why your brain's detective mode is actually a necessary part of healing (and why you should stop beating yourself up for "still thinking about him")
- Learn about the powerful moment when your focus shifts from figuring HIM out to reclaiming YOU—and why this is where the real magic happens
- Understand how your healing journey transforms you from a survivor desperately searching for answers to the wise mentor you never had (but always deserved)
- Find out why setting boundaries isn't just about protecting yourself—it's about rediscovering joy and learning to trust yourself again
Remember, healing isn't linear, and every stage serves a purpose. Whether you're analyzing text messages at midnight or helping other women find their wings, you're exactly where you need to be. Grab your coffee (or wine—zero judgment here!), get comfortable, and let me walk you through how this messy, beautiful recovery process really happens.
You are becoming who you were always meant to be. And I promise you, butterfly—you are NOT alone.
Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here
Related Resources:
- Liked this episode? Here are some other episodes and an article that you may find helpful as well:
- Episode 306, “Lessons I’m Learning in Physical Therapy About How We Heal.”
- Episode 277, “What the Healing Journey Looks Like.”
- An article, “7 Steps to Identifying and Healing from an Emotionally Abusive ‘Christian’ Marriage.”
Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | Ever catch yourself deep in a 3am Google rabbit hole? |
| 0:04.7 | Analyzing your husband's behavior like you're an undercover FBI agent? |
| 0:09.0 | Yeah, we've all been there. |
| 0:11.1 | But what if I told you that obsession is actually the first step to freedom? |
| 0:16.7 | Today we're breaking down the five stages of recovery. |
| 0:20.0 | Why you start off hyper focused on |
| 0:22.3 | him, how that shifts to you, and eventually how you become the badass mentor you never had. |
| 0:30.7 | So grab your coffee or wine, no judgment, and let's talk about how healing really happens. |
| 0:36.6 | Hi, this is Natalie Hoffman of FlyingFreeNow.com, and you're listening to the Flying Free |
| 0:43.3 | Podcast, a support resource for women of faith looking for hope and healing from hidden emotional |
| 0:50.3 | and spiritual abuse. |
| 0:52.3 | Welcome to episode 326 of the Flying Free Podcast. Today we are talking about something we all experience on this healing journey, how our focus shifts as we recover. Because in the beginning, it's all about him, right? Every thought, every emotion, every Google search is dedicated to |
| 1:13.0 | figuring out what the heck is going on in his head. But as we grow, something changes. The obsession |
| 1:20.5 | fades, the power shifts. And get this, we start thinking about ourselves. |
| 1:28.3 | Wild, right? |
| 1:30.3 | Recovery isn't just about getting away from abuse. |
| 1:33.3 | It's about reclaiming you. |
| 1:36.3 | And today we're diving into the five stages of this journey. |
| 1:40.3 | From the detective phase to the rage phase, |
| 1:43.3 | from deep self-discovery to the moment you become the mentor you once needed. |
| 1:49.0 | Let's break it all down. Because let's face it, healing is a messy, twisty, two steps forward, one major meltdown back kind of process. |
| 1:58.8 | And if you're in the thick of it thinking, why am I still |
... |
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