Why We Get Triggered - And How to Stay Connected in Conflict | Dr. Kelly Flanagan (Bonus Episode)
Minimalist Moms Podcast | Purposeful Life & Parenting Tips
Diane Boden
4.7 • 1K Ratings
🗓️ 2 March 2026
⏱️ 29 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Why do we say things we don’t mean in the heat of conflict? Why does connection disappear the moment we feel criticized, dismissed, or misunderstood?
In this episode, Diane sits down with clinical psychologist Dr. Kelly Flanagan, author of The Road Less Triggered, to explore what’s really happening when we get “triggered” in our closest relationships.
Dr. Flanagan explains how conflict shifts us from connection mode into protection mode and introduces the powerful practice of “regulate, then relate,” a concept rooted in nervous system science. Together, they discuss defensiveness, emotional reactivity, compassion, and how learning to notice when your heart is closing can change the way you show up in marriage, parenting, and everyday interactions.
Links Discussed in This Episode |
- Checkout the podcast storefront for recommendations from Diane.
- Book: Untethered Soul by Michael Singer
- Book: What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing
- Dr. Flanagan's Resource: Front Row Dads
- Connect with Dr. Kelly Flanagan:
- Website
- Book: The Road Less Triggered: Turning Conflict into Connection with a Single Choice―The Self-Help Guide to Conflict-Proof Communication, Healthy Relationships & the Belonging You Seek
About Dr. Flanagan |
Dr. Kelly Flanagan is an author, speaker, coach, and clinical psychologist with two decades of expertise in interpersonal relationships. His thought leadership has been featured in The 5 Love Languages, the TODAY show, and SUCCESS magazine. Kelly's proprietary frameworks will take your relationships to a level that traditional communication strategies can't touch. He is married to another clinical psychologist named Kelly, and they have three children--one adulting, and two at home in their small town outside of Chicago.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | For those of you that are new around here, I release bonus episodes that serve a niche part of my audience. |
| 0:04.7 | So if this content is something that doesn't fit what you're looking for, check out the other |
| 0:08.5 | episodes that drop this week, or join me back here next week for episodes that you don't want to miss. |
| 0:14.1 | Do not let anything in life be important enough that you're willing to close your heart over it. |
| 0:19.1 | And it, like, it hit me harder than the asphalt road. |
| 0:21.5 | I was like, oh, it really wasn't my outer situations that caused my suffering this year. It was my |
| 0:27.1 | inner condition. It was the way I was reacting to reality, not reality itself that's put me in this |
| 0:32.4 | position. And so I set a New Year's resolution going into 21, which is moment to moment, I will notice my heart closing and try to open it back up. |
| 0:41.0 | In those triggered moments where I get triggered and my heart starts to close, I'm going to notice that happening and I'm going to try to open it back up. |
| 0:48.5 | Well, I was wise enough at least to put the word try in because easier said than done. |
| 0:54.1 | This is Diane Bowden, and you're |
| 0:55.7 | listening to the minimalist moms podcast. Why do we say things we don't mean in the heat of conflict? |
| 1:02.1 | Why does connection disappear the moment we feel criticized, dismissed, or misunderstood? In today's |
| 1:07.7 | episode, I sit down with clinical psychologist, Dr. Kelly Flanagan, author of The Road |
| 1:12.8 | Less Triggered, to explore what's really happening when we get triggered in our closest |
| 1:17.4 | relationships. Dr. Flanagan explains how conflict shifts us from connection mode into protection |
| 1:22.8 | mode and introduces the powerful practice of regulate, then relate, a concept rooted in nervous system |
| 1:29.5 | science. Together we discuss defensiveness, emotional reactivity, compassion, and how learning to notice |
| 1:35.7 | when your heart is closing can change the way you show up in marriage, parenting, and everyday |
| 1:40.1 | interactions. But quickly before we get there, if you have yet to leave a rating and review |
| 1:44.4 | for the minimalist mom's podcast, I ask you just to pause for a brief moment or two, hit five stars, |
| 1:49.7 | tell me your favorite episode, your favorite guest, how the podcast has been impactful to you. |
... |
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