Coming up on marriage today with Jimmy and Karen some of our worst fights are when we're feeling fear

Is there the fear is at the core of it and that fear has got to be disarm if it is a fear then deal with is a fear. You know, don't

blame your husband if you're fearful. You know, be honest about how you're

feeling honey, you know, sometimes I get insecure because you're

gone so much and you know but not blaming not shaming not accusing You're going to. As a young boy, I was taller than my second grade teacher and that might sound good but it wasn't good.

I was I was really really really tall.

And I had a my tooth knocked out and I had a cap on there. My brother was

Damon and Lucifer. They called me Bucky the silver tooth beaver.

And I had several things that happened to me when I was a young boy that scarred me.

And I never had a problem with girls, and I never had a problem with anybody.

But internally, I felt like a freak.

There was just a message inside of me that happened to me when I was about maybe second or third grade

But internally there was something inside of me. I always thought of myself as a freak and and I had tremendous amount of fear and rather I didn't know how to deal with it.

And so rather than dealing with it in the passive sense of just being fearful and carrying down,

I just had my guard up all the time. I would stick out my chest and stick out my chin and just dare you I would that's the way I grew up

thought all the time is because if you cross me you know know, but I was asking fears.

Karen's fears were rejection, disconnection, me disconnecting from her being devalued,

failure and abuse.

We go into a fear dance.

I want to talk about Gary Smalley, one of my absolute heroes in marriage,

but he wrote a book called The DNA of relationships.

And in there, he talks about fear and he talks about the fear dance.

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