Why Texting In Dating Doesn't Matter As Much As We Think: What We Learned The Hard Way (So You Don't Have To)

Dateable: Your insider's look into modern dating and relationships

Yue Xu and Julie Krafchick

Science, Social Sciences, Health & Fitness, Sexuality, Relationships, Society & Culture

4.7 • 910 Ratings

🗓️ 5 June 2026

⏱️ 29 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

We’re constantly told that texting is the key to building connection—but what if constant communication is actually creating a false sense of intimacy? In this episode, we’re unpacking the role texting plays in modern dating, and how being in touch all the time can blur the line between real connection and just constant contact. We’re also talking about the pressure texting creates in relationships, the mixed signals that come from low-effort communication, and why intentionality matters more than frequency. Ultimately, we explore how setting boundaries, communicating with purpose, and focusing on meaningful interactions over endless availability can lead to healthier, more grounded relationships. Enjoy!

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Transcript

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0:00.0	In my 20s, I thought constant texting meant that a relationship was building.
0:05.5	If we were talking all day, every day, I assumed it meant that we were getting closer.
0:10.6	It felt reassuring.
0:12.2	Like, as long as the conversation kept going, the connection was safe.
0:15.9	But what I didn't realize is constant communication can sometimes create the illusion of intimacy
0:22.0	before real intimacy actually exists. And the more nonstop the communication becomes,
0:28.3	the harder it is to tell the difference between genuine compatibility and just constant access.
0:33.6	The better question isn't how much are we talking, but what are we actually building?
0:38.8	The difference between healthy communication and overcommunicating through constant texting.
0:44.3	That's what we're digging in today.
0:46.3	I'm Julie.
0:47.4	And I'm you, A.
0:48.2	And we're sharing what we learned the hard way, so you don't have to.
0:51.3	Oh, the texting.
0:52.6	I feel like this was like the death of me with a
0:56.0	relationship or a budding relationship. If I didn't get that text, you know, soon enough,
1:02.4	whatever I deemed to be sued enough, I would lose it. Like, I think the whole thing was crumbling.
1:07.8	Because that's kind of your lifeline, right? If you feel like if someone is texting me back,
1:13.0	then they must be interested or they are here, they've chosen me, or they want to be there for me. And if
1:20.3	they don't text back, it is like throwing out a lifeline and then someone not receiving it and not reciprocating. And I get it. I think if you are so
1:30.8	used to having that constant communication in your life and if someone's not communicative,
1:35.6	you're you kind of feel like it's life and depth. So, okay, yes, I agree that in today's world,
	...

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