Why “Normal” Sex Doesn’t Work for Many Black and Brown Women Ft. Aida Mariam Davis

LOVERS by Shan

Lemonada Media

Relationships, Society & Culture, Health & Fitness, Sexuality

5.0 • 5.7K Ratings

🗓️ 25 March 2026

⏱️ 57 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Get $200 off your Tonal purchase! Get a complete gym + a trainer in your home by going to http://tonal.com, then use promo code LOVERS for that big discount.—In this episode of Lovers, I’m joined by Aida Mariam Davis, author of Kindred Creation: Parables and Paradigms for Freedom, to explore one question: Is your sex life by design?We unpack the idea that so much of our sexual identity isn’t accidental, it’s constructed. From childhood messaging that disconnects us from our bodies, to adulthood expectations that swing between repression and performance, Aida breaks down how Western culture creates a fragmented relationship with intimacy. The result? A sex life that often feels confusing, isolating, or performative rather than intentional and embodied.Together, we explore what it looks like to reclaim your sexuality on your own terms. Aida shares how her relationship with her husband was rooted in freedom, patience, and self-possession, not pressure or performance, and how that created the foundation for deeper intimacy, trust, and desire.This conversation will challenge what you’ve been taught about sex, and invite you to design something that actually fits you. Resources mentioned→ What If Your Sex Life Is By Design? | Intimate Life Audit: https://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/what-if-your-sex-life-is-by-design-intimate-life-audit → A Guide to the Sexual Journey As We Grow: https://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/normal-sexual-development-from-0-18 Follow Aida Mariam Davis→ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aidamariam/→ Learn more about Decolonize Design: https://www.decolonizedesign.com/ → Get her book Kindred Creation: Parables and Paradigms for Freedom https://rep.club/products/kindred-creation?srsltid=AfmBOor4haNsPUvlYWcMk7oxSWdcmG-yZCTBeLjGtTDoFO_IaJXU_Jwj Want more Lover?Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletterJoin the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/communityExplore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Is our bad sex life by design?
0:03.0	Yes.
0:04.0	Everything about our intimate lives is commodified.
0:07.0	I think that there are standards imposed on us.
0:10.0	In this late stage capitalist environment,
0:13.0	whatever we're creating is just a response to our environment.
0:17.0	Like, one person cannot be responsible for the intimate life of anyone else.
0:21.5	Not one person.
0:22.4	I think an entire village has to be.
0:25.3	What political stance does my sex life take?
0:27.8	What political stance does my love life take?
0:29.6	When you offer people a binary, it's for control.
0:35.7	Intimacy is very particular in my mind. and this is a number that Western culture has done on me,
0:42.2	expressing my inner world and my inner sexual desires is life.
0:47.5	But I am happy, you know?
0:49.3	It's not like I'm unhappy.
0:50.5	It's just like I don't use language there.
0:53.7	What do we want our legacy to be around
0:56.8	intimacy about, you know, having sex? The first step is always.
1:04.8	Hi, lovers. Welcome to the podcast. My name is Shannon. I'm an A-Sex certified sex educator,
1:09.3	your host, my favorite quote. The key to happiness is managing expectations. So in this episode, where we're in conversation with Ida, Miriam Davis, around decolonizing sex, here's what you can expect. First and foremost, you're going to get a great conversation. In the first 10 minutes, you're going to hear from me a pop in with an ad plus a preview to next week you'll also have other
1:27.9	ads dispersed throughout those of you watching on youtube you will see some programmatic ads
	...

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