Why Modern Life Doesn't Make Us Happy, and How to Fix It with Dr. William von Hippel

Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Being Well

Health & Fitness, Education, Self-improvement, Mental Health

4.8 • 2.4K Ratings

🗓️ 30 June 2025

⏱️ 88 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Life today is safer and more comfortable than ever before, so why do so many people feel unhappy, lonely, and anxious? Forrest talks with evolutionary psychologist Dr. William von Hippel about this paradox in light of our two core needs: autonomy and connection. He argues that modern life has pushed us too far in the direction of autonomy, and that we need to reclaim connection in order to find happiness. They discuss how our evolutionary past shaped our needs for autonomy and connection, the tension between them, and why social connection matters so much for our well-being. They also touch on gender and cultural differences, common misunderstandings about evolutionary psychology, and what people can do to create more balanced and connected lives today. About our Guest: Dr. William von Hippel is an evolutionary psychologist and former professor at the University of Queensland. He has authored over 150 scientific publications including his books The Social Leap and The Social Paradox. Key Topics: 0:00: Why hasn’t modern life made us happier? 3:20: The evolution of autonomy and connection 10:15: How modern life favors autonomy over connection 18:10: “Sad success stories,” and the cost of competence 20:00: Competence vs warmth as social signals 26:00: Evolutionary mismatch, and its impact on well-being 29:00: How to understand evolutionary psychology 34:00: Evolved gender differences in autonomy and connection 42:00: Balancing sociocultural and evolutionary differences 49:00: What do those gender differences look like in practice? 55:50: Finding a healthy balance between autonomy and connection 1:08:55: Recap Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors For a limited time, get Headspace FREE for 60 days. Go to Headspace.com/BEINGWELL60. Go to Quince.com/BEINGWELL for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. Head to acornsearly.com/beingwell or download the Acorns Early app to help your kids grow their money skills today. Get Notion Mail for free right now at notion.com/beingwell, and try the inbox that thinks like you Go to Zocdoc.com/BEING to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. Go to ZOE.com and find out what ZOE Membership could do for you. Use code WELL10 to get 10% off membership. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello and welcome to being well. I'm Forrest Hansen.
0:10.0	Today we're exploring a fascinating and kind of frustrating question. The average person today,
0:15.0	especially in the developed world, has a life that is, by any objective measure, better than almost any human who has ever lived.
0:22.7	We live much longer, safer, more comfortable lives, with more access to just about everything.
0:28.8	But subjectively, that's often not how people feel.
0:32.2	Many people feel lonelier, more anxious, and less fulfilled than ever.
0:35.8	So what's going on here? To help us answer that question,
0:39.3	I'm joined by evolutionary psychologist and longtime professor at the University of Queensland,
0:43.8	Dr. William von Hipple. Bill studies how the minds we evolved under very different conditions
0:48.6	function in our modern world, and he's the author of more than 150 publications,
0:53.5	including his books The Social Leap,
0:55.4	and most recently The Social Paradox.
0:57.6	The Social Paradox is a very thought-provoking book.
1:00.3	It's been living on my bedside table for the last couple of weeks, and I'm really looking
1:04.0	forward to talking with him about it.
1:05.3	So, Bill, how are you doing today?
1:06.9	I'm doing well.
1:07.6	Thanks for having me.
1:09.2	Digging into your work and just the material related to the book
1:12.1	has really made me think a lot, maybe reevaluate some things that I thought about why we are the way that we are.
1:19.0	And I wanted to start just with the paradox that's kind of at the heart of the book. Why is it that
1:23.5	life satisfaction just has not increased in the same way that say lifespan has.
	...

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