Why Love Feels So Hard — And How to Finally Feel Safe in Your Relationships (with Jillian Turecki)

The Dr. Hyman Show

Dr. Mark Hyman

Health & Fitness, Nutrition, Medicine

4.6 • 8.7K Ratings

🗓️ 26 November 2025

⏱️ 71 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

When relationships feel chaotic, it’s usually not just about the moment—it’s old patterns running the show. In this episode of The Dr. Hyman Show, I talk with Jillian Turecki, relationship expert and bestselling author of It Begins With YOU, about why love can feel so hard and how to finally feel safe. Jillian opens up about her own heartbreak, loss, and transformation, and shares what she’s learned about healing old wounds and building relationships that feel secure, balanced, and real. Watch our full conversation on YouTube or listen wherever you get your podcasts. We discuss: • How to regulate your emotions and stay connected during conflict • The difference between past wounds and present triggers • Science-backed tools you can use to build emotional safety and trust • Why generosity, curiosity, and respect create lasting intimacy • How to choose a healthy partner and stop repeating old patterns Lasting love gets easier when you calm your body, challenge old stories, practice repair, and try to choose wisely from the start. View Show Notes From This Episode Get Free Weekly Health Tips from Dr. Hyman https://drhyman.com/pages/picks?utm_campaign=shownotes&utm_medium=banner&utm_source=podcast Sign Up for Dr. Hyman’s Weekly Longevity Journal https://drhyman.com/pages/longevity?utm_campaign=shownotes&utm_medium=banner&utm_source=podcast Join the 10-Day Detox to Reset Your Health https://drhyman.com/pages/10-day-detox Join the Hyman Hive for Expert Support and Real Results https://drhyman.com/pages/hyman-hive This episode is brought to you by Seed, BON CHARGE, Function Health, Sunlighten, Timeline and Paleovalley. Visit seed.com/hyman and use code 20HYMAN for 20% off your first month of Seed's DS-01® Daily Synbiotic. This holiday season get 25% off until December 31st. Head to boncharge.com to receive this offer today! Join today at FunctionHealth.com/Mark and use code MARK2026 to get $50 OFF toward your membership. Head over to sunlighten.com and save up to $1400 or more this holiday season with code HYMAN. Support essential mitochondrial health and save 20% on Mitopure. Visit timeline.com/drhyman to get 20% off today. Get nutrient-dense, whole foods. Head to paleovalley.com/hyman for 15% off your first purchase. (0:00) Introduction to emotional regulation in relationships (2:27) Jillian Turecki's personal journey and insights (7:22) Childhood conditioning's impact on adult relationships (13:12) Techniques for self-regulation and managing triggers (23:32) Addressing heartbreak, emotional trauma, and prolonged grief (33:00) Building and maintaining healthy relationships (38:54) Tools for better relationships and challenging unconscious expectations (47:06) Exploring the nine truths about love and unique relationship arrangements (57:40) How to choose the right partner (1:01:31) Resources for relationship improvement by Jillian Turecki (1:03:22) Sponsor message

Transcript

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0:00.0	What you're afraid of is that you are not good enough and that because you're not good enough,
0:04.8	you are somehow going to be deprived of love. That is the fear that underlies all problems in
0:11.9	relationships. Jillian Turecki is a renowned relationship expert. She's a New York Times best-selling
0:16.5	author. She's a hope for the podcast, Jillian on Love. Jillian has helped millions of people over the last 20 years to revolutionize their relationship with themselves so that they can transform their romantic relationships. We reached out to our audience. We let them know you were coming on the podcast. And the number one topic they wanted to know about was emotional regulation and managing triggers. Nine times out of ten, we're projecting. We're not seeing our partner.
0:37.8	We're seeing our ex.
0:38.8	We're seeing mom.
0:39.7	We're seeing dad.
0:40.8	And we're seeing things that we haven't resolved inside ourselves and making our partner
0:45.1	the enemy.
0:46.1	This is the most important key to self-regulation.
0:49.4	Is stopping the story inside your head that is making your partner into the enemy.
0:55.1	How can couples rebuild a connection if it's faded or it's lost?
0:58.8	You cannot change another person.
1:00.6	You can only change yourself.
1:02.1	You have to have the mindset of I'm going to show up in the best way that I possibly can for me.
1:08.9	And if it changes things great and if it doesn't, then I know that
1:11.7	maybe this isn't the right relationship for me. Talk about heartbreak because I think it's something
1:16.5	people really struggle with. People write into me all the time saying it's been two years. When am I
1:21.2	going to get over this person? What I've discovered is that they're not really grieving the relationship
1:25.8	anymore. They are actually stuck in the story of what happened.
1:30.0	Number two, something else is going on in their life
1:33.6	that is making it difficult to move on.
	...

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