Why Long-Term Love Gets Complicated: A Scientific Approach with Dr. Justin Garcia (291)
Therapist Uncensored Podcast
Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP & Ann Kelley PhD
4.7 • 1.5K Ratings
🗓️ 17 February 2026
⏱️ 67 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
What does science actually say about monogamy, desire, and long-term love?
Evolutionary biologist Dr. Justin Garcia joins co-host Sue Marriott to deepen our understanding of the myths and realities of modern relationships. From monogamy to consensual non-monogamy, we explore how jealousy and trust function – not as flaws – but as deeply human signals shaped by biology and attachment. Dr. Garcia breaks down how relationships shift over
time, especially as we age, and why sexual satisfaction isn’t just about frequency – it’s about novelty, meaning, and connection. We dive into the neuroscience of intimacy, including the roles of dopamine and oxytocin, and revisit the Kinsey scale to better understand the fluidity of sexual orientation. This conversation is a grounded, nuanced look at how passion evolves, and how couples can intentionally cultivate desire, curiosity, and emotional safety over the long haul.
“Humans, the most intimate animal, will always live and die for love. Understanding why gives us the power to find and maintain the loves worth living for.” – Dr. Justin Garcia, a quote from The Intimate Animal
Time Stamps for Why Long-Term Love Gets Complicated: A Scientific Approach with Dr. Justin Garcia (291)
00:57 Understanding social vs. sexual monogamy
04:32 The evolutionary perspective on relationships
08:26 Jealousy and relationship dynamics
20:25 Sexuality and aging: A new perspective
28:44 The power of eye gaze and oxytocin
30:30 Understanding aggression: Oxytocin and vasopressin dynamics
39:01 Exploring sexual diversity and the Kinsey scale
About Our Guest – Dr. Justin Garcia
Dr. Justin Garcia is an evolutionary biologist and international authority on the science of sex and relationships. Since 2019, he has served as the Executive Director of the world-renowned Kinsey Institute, where he is also a Senior Scientist. He holds an appointment as the Ruth N. Halls Professor in the College of Arts and Sciences at Indiana University and is a Founding Co-Director of Human Sexuality and Health at the IU School of Medicine. Dr. Garcia holds a Ph.D. in evolutionary biology and M.S. in biomedical anthropology from Binghamton University and an Executive Certificate in Public Leadership from Harvard Kennedy School.An award-winning researcher and educator, Dr. Garcia has consulted with a variety of industry partners, and he is currently the Chief Scientific Advisor to Match where he provides expertise for the annual Singles in America study. His research has been featured widely in the media and focuses on people’s romantic and sexual lives throughout the life course, especially on integrative biopsychosocial models of variation in courtship, intimacy, and sexual behavior.
Resources for Why Long-Term Love Gets Complicated: A Scientific Approach with Dr. Justin Garcia (291)
Justin Garcia – The Kinsey Institute: Biography and other information
The Intimate Animal – Dr. Garcia’s new book, order here!
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | We have a list of expectations for us and for our partners. And then if we meet someone who doesn't meet that whole list, we start to think that there's an unlimited resource. The brain thinks you can go on the app or you can go on your phone. You can find 3,000 people before dinner. So you say, well, you're great, but you missed item 19 on my list. So I'm going to go fine. And I'm |
| 0:21.2 | only a little bit sarcastic in what I'm saying this. In fact, we see this happening that we set |
| 0:26.1 | our standards so high. The only reason we do that is because the brain is telling us you have |
| 0:31.8 | more opportunities. The challenge is you get in a loop. We all get in a loop that we have this |
| 0:37.1 | sense of an unlimited resource and we keep reaching |
| 0:39.3 | for our technology or going to the club or saying, well, I'll find someone who meets all |
| 0:44.7 | 30 items on my list because surely if it's an unlimited resource, there'll be someone there |
| 0:49.3 | who meets all my items. |
| 0:51.0 | And the reality is you're unlikely. |
| 0:52.8 | And our singles in America City, we found that |
| 0:54.5 | over 70% of people have become deeply attracted to someone they weren't initially attracted |
| 0:58.8 | to. That means that feelings of love and connection, it takes time. It takes first dates, second |
| 1:04.8 | dates, third dates, deeper conversation. That takes getting to know someone, not showing up with the |
| 1:10.1 | list. |
| 1:14.2 | Welcome to Therapist Uncensored. |
| 1:18.9 | Building on decades of professional experience, this podcast tackles neurobiology, |
| 1:23.0 | modern attachment, and more, in an honest way that's helpful in healing humans. |
| 1:26.8 | Your session begins now with Dr. Anne Kelly and Sue Marriott. |
| 1:39.1 | Hey, you guys, while we know relationships are wonderful, they are also really hard. |
| 1:44.3 | Many of us believe that they shouldn't be, that if we have good connection and good communication, things will just go smoothly. But it's really that belief that can make us feel stubborn and even |
| 1:49.4 | more hopeless. So relationships take work. It does for Sue and I. We can make it look easy. It's not. |
| 1:56.1 | And one of the ways is because many of us, we differ. We differ in what activates us, what makes |
... |
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