Why Is It So Hard to Let People In?
ShrinkChicks
Jennifer Chaiken, LMFT and Emmalee Bierly, LMFT
5 • 717 Ratings
🗓️ 20 October 2025
⏱️ 42 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
This week on ShrinkChicks, Em and Jen explore why it’s so hard to let people in. We all crave connection, yet vulnerability can feel terrifying, especially when it wasn’t modeled for us or didn’t feel safe growing up. They unpack why talking isn’t the same as being vulnerable, how to build tolerance for openness, and why it’s okay to keep some relationships more surface-level.
Listener questions cover how to start sharing more, what to do when you pull away from the people who could support you most (and why you do it), and how to understand protective patterns like the silent treatment. They also discuss how strength and vulnerability coexist, how men are socialized to hide emotions, and their Dear Em & Jen dives into how to navigate when a partner doesn’t want marriage.
Tune in to gain insight, awareness, and action! PS: Fast forward to around 3:20 to skip the intro and get straight to today’s content.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | What for us is so overwhelming about the idea of vulnerability? |
| 0:03.5 | For many of us, it was not modeled. |
| 0:05.4 | Yeah. |
| 0:05.9 | For many of us, it's incredibly scary. |
| 0:08.6 | For a lot of us, it's not safe. |
| 0:10.7 | Yeah. |
| 0:11.5 | When we talk about vulnerability, we're also assuming there's some type of emotional safety. |
| 0:16.5 | So when we say to you, vulnerability is good. |
| 0:19.7 | It brings connection. |
| 0:21.1 | That is not true if there is not emotional safety. |
| 0:32.5 | Welcome back to another episode of shrink chicks. |
| 0:37.1 | Take a seat on our virtual therapy couch and get ready to learn all about, well, you. |
| 0:42.5 | I'm Emily Beirley. |
| 0:43.6 | And I'm Jennifer Chakin. |
| 0:44.9 | And we're both licensed, marriage and family therapist and relationship experts. |
| 0:48.9 | We're the owners and founders of the therapy group, a nationwide psychotherapy practice with down-to-earth therapists just like us. |
| 0:56.3 | Your session is starting, so get ready to know yourself and grow yourself. |
| 1:03.0 | Hi, Jen. |
| 1:04.2 | Hi, I am. |
| 1:05.2 | How are you? |
| 1:06.2 | I'm doing great. |
| 1:07.2 | How are you? |
... |
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