Why High-Value People Don’t Avoid Conflict | Social Intel Brief

The Art of Charm

http://www.TheArtOfCharm.com

Business, Health & Fitness, Education

4.7 • 11K Ratings

🗓️ 4 September 2025

⏱️ 15 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Do you avoid conflict—or use it to grow your influence? In this episode, AJ and Johnny share a science-backed framework for conflict resolution that transforms tense moments into opportunities for trust and leadership. Drawing on John Gottman’s research on relationships and Google’s Project Aristotle findings on high-performing teams, they reveal why conflict isn’t a problem to eliminate—it’s a chance to deepen respect and build long-term influence. You’ll learn a step-by-step system to handle everyday workplace and relationship conflicts without burning bridges: lead with value, accept responsibility, show empathy, and present solutions that create buy-in. With stories from clients like Marcus, a consultant at BCG, AJ and Johnny show how mastering conflict resolution can make you the person others turn to when stakes are high. If you’ve ever felt conflict-averse, this episode gives you practical tools to stay calm, confident, and in control. What to Listen For [00:00:00] Why avoiding conflict costs you influence [00:00:56] How conflict avoidance limits your “career chessboard” moves [00:01:27] The science of conflict: shifting from “me vs. you” to “us vs. the problem” [00:02:43] The High-Value Conflict Framework explained [00:03:28] Step 1: Lead with value to disarm defensiveness [00:03:54] Step 2: Accept responsibility without weakness [00:06:23] Step 3: Use empathy and “we” language to build trust [00:07:26] Step 4: Present options, not ultimatums [00:09:18] Why well-resolved conflicts create stronger bonds [00:11:03] Client story: how Marcus became the go-to conflict solver [00:11:29] Why mastering conflict is the ticket to influence A Word From Our Sponsors Stop being over looked and unlock your X-Factor today at ⁠unlockyourxfactor.com⁠ The very qualities that make you exceptional in your field are working against you socially. Visit the ⁠artofcharm.com/intel ⁠for a social intelligence assessment and discover exactly what's holding you back. Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince. Upgrade your wardrobe today at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠quince.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Grow your way - with Headway! Get started at ⁠makeheadway.com/CHARM ⁠and use my code CHARM for 25% off. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Sign up for your $1/month trial at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠shopify.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Need to hire top talent—fast? Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Indeed.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠mintmobile.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Save more than fifty percent on term life insurance at ⁠SELECTQUOTE.COM/CHARM⁠ TODAY to get started Curious about your influence level? Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠theartofcharm.com/influence⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Check in with AJ and Johnny! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠AJ on LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Johnny on LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠AJ on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Johnny on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on YouTube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on TikTok⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	You know, some people think OCD is just about keeping your house super clean?
0:03.6	That stereotype drives me crazy. Real OCD creates these unwanted intrusive thoughts about
0:09.6	stuff you actually care about, like your social life. Exactly. It makes you doubt whether
0:14.2	people actually like you or you're terrified. You accidentally offended someone. You spend
0:18.6	hours replaying conversations looking for proof you're not a
0:22.0	terrible person. And those thoughts get so overwhelming. You start doing all these behaviors to make
0:26.7	them stop, like mentally reviewing every interaction or trying to cancel negative thoughts with
0:31.4	positive ones before you see friends. But here's the thing. The doubts and fears just come back
0:36.7	even stronger. It isolates you from the
0:38.9	connections that make life worth living. That's where NOCD comes in. They're the world's leading
0:43.9	provider of OCD treatment and all of their therapists specialize in ERP therapy. That's exposure
0:49.7	and response prevention. Not regular talk therapy, which actually makes OCD worse. NOCD does live face-to-face
0:57.6	virtual sessions, where they teach you proven techniques to manage intrusive thoughts and reclaim your
1:02.8	confidence. It's 100% virtual, covered by insurance for over 155 million Americans, and you get support
1:09.5	between sessions so you're not facing this alone.
1:12.8	If you think OCD might be holding you back, go to NOCD.com and book a free 15-minute call.
1:19.7	That's N-O-C-D.com.
1:22.4	Most people see conflict as something to avoid. But the truth is the people who rise fastest in business
1:28.4	and in life aren't the ones who dodge conflict. They're the ones who know how to resolve it
1:33.3	without burning bridges.
1:43.8	Well, let's face it, relationships are messy and people, no two people are the same.
1:52.3	So conflict is inevitable, especially in a high performance environments with teams, relationships, and leadership. So the better you are at navigating
	...

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