Why Friendships Matter More Than We Think

The Science of Happiness

PRX and Greater Good Science Center

Science, Social Sciences

4.4 • 1.9K Ratings

🗓️ 27 February 2025

⏱️ 23 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In a world that emphasizes romantic relationships, we explore the science of friendships in humans and our primate relatives—how we make them and how they not only influence health and happiness, but our survival.

Episode Summary: Romantic love gets plenty of attention, but what about the friendships that sustain us through life’s ups and downs? In this episode, we explore the science and significance of deep friendships, how they contribute to our mental and emotional health, and why they deserve just as much care as romantic relationships. We also discuss practical ways to strengthen friendships and rethink how we define meaningful connections.

Scroll down for a transcription of this episode.

This is part of our series The Science of Love, supported by The John Templeton Foundation.

Sign up for The Science of Happiness podcast's 7-Day Love Challenge to receive these science-backed practices delivered directly to your inbox: tinyurl.com/7daylovechallenge

Today’s Guests:

DR. MARISA G FRANCO is a psychologist and professor at The University of Maryland and author of the book “Platonic: How The Science of Attachment Can Help You Make – and Keep – Friends.”

Learn more about Dr. Marisa G Franco here: https://drmarisagfranco.com/

Follow Marisa on Instagram: @drmarisagfranco

DR. LAUREN BRENT is an evolutionary biologist and professor at the University of Exeter. She studies the ecological and evolutionary basis of social relationships and networks.

Learn more about Lauren Brent here: http://www.laurenbrent.com/

Related The Science of Happiness episodes:

36 Questions to Spark Love and Connection: https://tinyurl.com/ktcpz78u
How 7 Days Can Transform Your Relationship: https://tinyurl.com/bdh2ezhr
Why We Need Friends With Shared Interests: https://tinyurl.com/bp8msacj

Related Happiness Breaks:

A Meditation on Love and Interconnectedness: https://tinyurl.com/ye6baxv3
A Guided Meditation on Embodied Love: https://tinyurl.com/3dmpfam6
Visualizing Your Best Self in Relationships: https://tinyurl.com/4797z2vf

Tell us about your experience building lasting friendships. Email us at [email protected] or follow on Instagram @HappinessPod.

Help us share The Science of Happiness! Leave us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts and share this link with someone who might like the show: https://tinyurl.com/2p9h5aap

Transcription: https://tinyurl.com/y99tc9nm

Transcript

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0:00.0	This episode was supported by a grant from the John Templeton Foundation on spreading love through the media.
0:08.6	So in my young 20s, I was not focused on friendship. I was focused on romantic love, and it was not going well.
0:17.3	I remember going through a breakup, and I felt so bad, so I asked my friend Heather, Heather,
0:23.5	how about we create this wellness group? We'll meet up and practice wellness. We will meditate,
0:28.3	cook, do yoga. And it was really to heal from that romantic breakup. Heather said yes,
0:35.1	and me and a group of friends would meet every week to practice wellness.
0:38.3	And I looked around and I asked myself, like, why doesn't this form of love matter to me?
0:43.3	Why I have been so focused on romantic love, feeling like I have no love in my life unless it's romantic, like I'm not worthy unless I have a romantic partner,, why doesn't this love count?
0:55.0	I felt like the ways that I was seeing friendship as trivial
0:59.0	and less than reflected a larger culture
1:02.0	that devalued this form of connection.
1:05.0	And because I felt so loved by my friends through that group,
1:08.0	it felt like something's wrong about this.
1:10.0	We're really missing something.
1:11.6	Friendship shape our lives in ways we don't always realize. They play a huge role in both our happiness and physical health.
1:29.3	So why do we sometimes take them for granted? And what can we do to make them stronger?
1:35.3	I'm Dacker Keltner, and this is the science of happiness.
1:38.3	We're going to hear about what it really takes to build and maintain deep lasting friendships and why they matter more than we
1:46.2	might think with psychologist Marissa G. Franco. Later in the show, we hear from mythologist
1:52.3	Lauren Brent about the unexpected ways friendship shapes, not just our lives, but the lives of other
1:58.1	animals too. Looking outside of ourselves has taught us.
2:01.8	We get something out of these relationships
	...

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