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Love Letters

Why Don't Men Ask Questions?

Love Letters

The Boston Globe

Relationships, Society & Culture

4.51.4K Ratings

🗓️ 14 April 2026

⏱️ 33 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Really? What’s up with that?Simone, a single mom in her 40s, wrote to the Love Letters advice column asking, “Why don’t men on dating apps ask me any questions?” Simone said these men are happy to answer questions about themselves, but they don’t ask anything in return.That means Simone has to do so much work to keep the conversation going.Simone tells her story to Meredith, who also gets feedback and context from experts who study curiosity and the art of asking questions. They include Todd Kashdan, director of the Well-Being Laboratory at George Mason University.He helps Meredith examine the gender piece of it all, the cultural influences, and why asking questions is a beautiful skill – and, perhaps, a lost art.Remember, Love Letters is an advice column that LOVES questions. Do you have something on your mind about your relationship life? Email it to loveletters@boston.com or visit boston.com/loveletters. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0

Isn't life grande?

0:01.9

And making it better just got easier with Starbucks new protein cold foam.

0:06.7

A little something, something to take your favorite drinks up a notch with 15 grams of extra protein.

0:13.2

Turn your usual iced caramel latte into a smooth iced caramel protein latte.

0:18.5

Add a delicious swirl on top of your drink, just like that.

0:23.3

Protein never tasted so good with Starbucks new protein cold foam.

0:27.7

Subject to availability while stocks last.

0:35.7

Not long ago, Simone, a single woman in her 40s,

0:39.8

noticed something specifically annoying about her experiences on dating apps.

0:44.9

She'd match with a guy.

0:46.8

She'd ask him a question.

0:48.7

Then he'd answer that question.

0:52.1

Then she'd ask him another question.

0:58.3

And he'd answer that question, and then nothing.

1:03.5

So she'd ask something else, like, oh, how was your weekend?

1:09.0

And the guy would write back something like, it was great, I watched the game, period.

1:18.6

No questions asked in return. It just felt like I would ask a question related to their profile and they would just answer the question, like literally just

1:22.8

profanctory or maybe like a sentence or two, but there was never anything back like, oh, you're showing

1:29.1

interest in me. So therefore, let me ask a question about you. And I felt like there was none

1:33.9

of that interest. And so I would literally just text follow-up questions and kind of just try to

1:39.2

keep it going. I'm doing all this heavy lifting. and then a day or two in.

1:44.3

They haven't asked me anything back.

...

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