Why Do We Micromanage People? With Prof. Julia Milner

The Anxious Achiever

Morra Aarons-Mele

Business, Careers, Management, Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.7 • 599 Ratings

🗓️ 12 February 2026

⏱️ 41 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

You’re not trying to control people. You’re trying to help. But what if your “help” is quietly draining your team’s confidence, creativity, and trust? In this episode, I sit down with Professor Julia Milner of EDHEC Business School to talk about the psychology of micromanagement, especially the kind that comes from anxiety, care, and good intentions. We dive into the difference between constructive feedback and control disguised as questions, the “advice trap” that keeps leaders stuck, and why micromanaging often feels safer in the moment but costs you long-term trust, dialogue, and time. Tune in to learn how to replace fixing with serving, advice with curiosity, and control with empowerment. Check out our sponsors: Northwest Registered Agent - Protect your privacy, build your brand and get your complete business identity in just 10 clicks and 10 minutes! Visit https://www.northwestregisteredagent.com/achieverfree Shopify - Sign up for a $1 per month trial, just go to http://shopify.com/anxiousachiever Talkiatry - Head to http://talkiaitry.com/achiever and complete the short assessment to get matched with an in network psychiatrist in just a few minutes. Working Genius - Take the working genius assessment today and get 20% off with code ACHIEVER at working http://genius.com Brevo - Meet brevo, the all in one marketing and CRM platform built to help you connect with customers, boost engagement and grow your business smarter. Go to brevo.com/achiever and use code ACHIEVER50 for 50% off. In this Episode, You Will Learn 00:00 Why micromanagers often act from anxiety. 04:15 How to spot motivational micromanagement. 06:30 Why do you hate being micromanaged? 12:00 How micromanagement increases anxiety on both sides. 14:15 The subtle way “questions” can shut down dialogue. 18:00 How to give upward feedback without triggering defensiveness. 20:45 What it means to adopt a coaching mindset. 22:00 Phrases you can use to reset a micromanaging dynamic. 28:45 What’s the difference between feedback and feed forward? 30:30 How do you treat yourself with grace? 33:00 What the best empowering leaders all have in common. Resources + Links Get a copy of my book - The Anxious Achiever Watch the podcast on YouTube Find more resources on our website morraam.com Follow Follow me: on LinkedIn @morraaronsmele + Instagram @morraam Follow Prof. Julia on LinkedIn @drjuliamilner

Transcript

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0:00.0	don't wait protect your privacy built your brand and get your complete business identity in just 10
0:08.5	clicks and 10 minutes visit northwest registered agent.com slash achiever free just head to tachiatry
0:17.0	dot com slash achiever and complete the short assessment to get matched with an in-network psychiatrist
0:21.8	in just a few minutes. Sign up for your $1 per month trial at Shopify.com slash anxious achiever.
0:30.2	That's Shopify.com slash anxious achiever. Just head to brevo.com slash achiever to take your marketing further with Brevo and its
0:42.4	AI assistant, ORA, which will help you craft smarter campaigns and create great content.
0:53.3	Most everyone hates being micromanaged. But the thing is, micromanagers often do it from a place of good
1:04.0	intentions. We may be anxious and want to make sure everything goes right, or we may be maybe trying to motivate you. We just don't really
1:13.7	know that our behavior is backfiring. I'm Maura Erin Smealy and this is the anxious achiever,
1:20.7	the show that looks at the intersection of mental health and leadership and work and asks,
1:26.2	how can we do it all better?
1:28.3	Before we dive into my conversation with Professor Julia Milner of Ed Heck Business School,
1:35.3	I want to read you a poem that a friend of mine sent and her coach sent it to her, and it's called
1:42.3	A Fixer. A Fixer has the illusion of being causal. A server knows he or she
1:49.9	is being used in the service of something greater, essentially unknown. We fix something specific.
1:56.4	We serve always the something, wholeness and the mystery of life.
2:03.1	Fixing and helping are the work of the ego.
2:05.8	Serving is the work of the soul.
2:08.1	When you help, you see life as weak.
2:10.4	When you fix, you see life as broken.
2:13.5	When you serve, you see life as whole.
2:15.8	Fixing and helping make cure.
	...

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