Why chasing happiness makes you miserable (and how to choose better values) | Mark Manson

The Proof with Simon Hill

Simon Hill

Nutrition, Health & Fitness, Self-improvement, Education

4.9 • 2.9K Ratings

🗓️ 8 December 2025

⏱️ 90 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this episode I am joined by Mark Manson, author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck*, to talk about why so many of us build our lives around “shitty values” and what it takes to change. We discuss regret, shame and the stories we tell ourselves, and how taking responsibility without blaming yourself can transform the way you move through the world. Mark shares his counterintuitive values framework, why you actually need failure, uncertainty and rejection, and how contemplating your own mortality can help you decide what really deserves your limited time and energy. What We Cover Why “shitty values” are so alluring in early adulthood and how to recognise them in your own life The gap between your stated values and your lived behaviour, and why your actions tell the truth Responsibility versus fault, and how owning your choices creates agency after heartbreak and other setbacks People pleasing, approval seeking and the cost of caring too much what others think Why you should be willing to be disliked for something that matters and how this builds real trust How Mark thinks about “not giving a fuck” today and why it is really about better priorities, not apathy By the end of the episode you will have a more honest way to look at your own values, practical tools for choosing better problems, and a new appreciation for time, mortality and what is truly worth caring about. Intro (00:00:00) Rethinking Your Younger Self (00:02:05) What We Get Wrong About Values (00:05:36) Time, Maturity, and Self-Deception (00:08:09) The People Who Hold Up the Mirror (00:12:07) When Culture Points Us the Wrong Way (00:15:44) The Making of an Unlikely Bestseller (00:21:03) “I’m Enough”… But Am I Really? (00:38:38) The Five Counterintuitive Values (00:44:50) Responsibility Isn’t Blame (00:50:41) Living With Maybe (00:56:23) What ‘Not Giving a F*ck’ Actually Means (01:01:45) Seeing Life Through a Finite Lens (01:11:53) Why Boredom Still Matters (01:20:32) This episode is brought to you by: 38TERA Consider 38TERA's DMN prebiotic supplement a daily multivitamin for your gut. Formulated by yours truly and gastroenterologist Dr Will Bulsiewicz. Use code THEPROOF for a discount at checkout. Function Health Take charge of your health with advanced blood testing and personalised insights. Function Health offers a practical way to track key health markers such as cholesterol, blood sugar, and more. Learn more and join at functionhealth.com/simonhill for a $25 credit toward your membership. Only available to those living in the United States. Shopify Shopify, the world's leading e-commerce platform, helps you turn browsers into buyers with the internet’s best-converting check out–up to 36% better compared to other leading e-commerce platforms. To boost your conversion rate, and grow your business, sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/proof. Momentous My go-to supplement brand for protein and creatine is Momentous. Use code THEPROOF for up to 35% off your first order at livemomentous.com. AirBnB Right in the heart of the city, I’ve been hosting a hands-on Airbnb Experience at Little City Farm that’s all about plant diversity, gut health, and delicious food. For more information, or to find other experiences on your next trip, check out airbnb.com/experiences. WHOOP Whoop, the most advanced fitness and health wearable available. Your personalised fitness and health coach to recover faster, sleep better, and train smarter. Claim your first month free on join.whoop.com/simon. Simon Hill, MSc, BSc (Hons) Creator of theproof.com Host of The Proof with Simon Hill Author of The Proof is in the Plants Subscribe & Connect: YouTube Apple Podcasts Spotify Instagram: @simonhill Twitter: @theproof Facebook: The Proof with Simon Hill

Transcript

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0:00.0	Today's episode of The Proof is a little bit different. It's with writer and bestselling author Mark Manson.
0:07.6	If you've read the subtle art of not giving a fuck or everything is fucked, you'll know Mark for his brutally honest, often counterintuitive take on what it means to live a good life.
0:19.9	Usually on this show, we deep dive into the science, biology,
0:23.6	physiology, nutrition, longevity, etc. But today we are shifting lanes a little. Not away from
0:29.8	the science entirely because there is plenty of behavioral science underpinning why we feel
0:34.5	certain ways and why we adopt certain habits or values even when
0:38.7	they leave us feeling unfulfilled.
0:41.4	But this one's really about introspection.
0:43.7	It's about the messiness of being human and a less intuitive but more realistic way to
0:48.7	think about self-growth and what it means to live well.
0:52.8	Through his work, Mark has borrowed ideas from philosophy and Buddhism
0:56.8	and package them up to counter an entire genre of self-help books that, to put it politely,
1:03.4	often over-promised and under-delivered. I find his perspective refreshingly honest and simple
1:09.6	in a world that makes it easy to lose perspective
1:13.4	and to be defined by our past or live in shame far too easily. He brings a grounded and often
1:19.7	paradoxical lens to happiness, to values and responsibility, one that challenges the idea that
1:26.0	feeling good should be our primary goal. So while this isn't
1:30.0	the science lane, it certainly is the human one. Consider this our first conversation with Mark
1:37.4	focused on a topic that I think we often gloss over or pay lip service to, our values, and how they should define our actions, and
1:46.3	ultimately the meaning that we derive from our life.
1:50.0	Not so we can humble brag about how good we are, there's enough virtue signaling in the
1:54.4	world as it is, but so we genuinely feel better about the life that we're living.
	...

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