Why Chasing Goodness Keeps Us Stuck with Elise Loehnen

The One You Feed

Eric Zimmer, The One You Feed

Education, Self-improvement, Religion & Spirituality, Health & Fitness, Buddhism, Mental Health

4.6 • 2.5K Ratings

🗓️ 29 August 2025

⏱️ 74 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

In this episode, Elise Loehnen explains why chasing goodness keeps us stuck and how to choose wholeness instead. For so many of us, the drive to be “good” shapes how we show up – as friends, partners, coworkers, even in how we speak to ourselves on hard days. But what does it cost us to live that way? Elise invites us to see that the real challenge isn’t to feed only the good wolf, but to become a whole wolf; one who integrates all parts of ourselves, even the ones we’d rather hide. She explores the hidden price of goodness, the surprising usefulness of envy, the roles we unconsciously inherit, and the stories that keep us small. This conversation will help you rethink what wholeness means and how embracing it can lead to a more authentic, empowered life.

Discover the six hidden saboteurs that quietly derail your best intentions—like autopilot behavior, self-doubt, and emotional escape. Download our free guide to uncover what’s getting in your way and learn simple strategies to take back control. Get it now at oneyoufeed.net/ebook.

Key Takeaways:

Exploration of inner conflict and personal growth.
Discussion of the concept of wholeness versus goodness.
Examination of the parable of the two wolves and its implications for self-identity.
Reframing the seven deadly sins as energies rather than moral failings.
Identification of common obstacles to personal growth, such as self-doubt and emotional escapism.
Introduction of practical tools for recognizing and transforming personal narratives.
Importance of setting boundaries and learning to say no.
The role of envy as a complex emotion and its potential for self-discovery.
Discussion of the influence of cultural narratives on personal desires and behaviors.
Emphasis on flexibility in self-understanding and the ongoing journey of personal integration.

If you enjoyed this conversation with Elise Loehnen, check out these other episodes

Mimetic Desires in Everyday Life with Luke Burgis

How to Embrace the Wisdom of the Women Mystics with Mirabai Starr

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Transcript

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0:00.0	When envy is made conscious and when we start to use it as a GPS, it's a very powerful connector to the soul.
0:17.3	Welcome to the one you feed. Throughout time, great thinkers have recognized the importance of the thoughts we have.
0:23.6	Quotes like, Garbage in, garbage out, or, you are what you think, ring true.
0:29.6	And yet, for many of us, our thoughts don't strengthen or empower us.
0:33.6	We tend toward negativity, self-pity, jealousy, or fear. We see what we don't have instead of
0:40.6	what we do. We think things that hold us back and dampen our spirit. But it's not just about
0:46.4	thinking. Our actions matter. It takes conscious, consistent, and creative effort to make a life
0:52.2	worth living. This podcast is about how other people
0:55.5	keep themselves moving in the right direction, how they feed their good wolf.
1:02.4	How much of your life have you spent trying to be good? For me, that question has shaped
1:07.9	so many choices over the years. It shapes how I show up as a podcast host, as a
1:12.5	friend, how I show up in my relationships, even how I speak to myself on hard days. But after my
1:18.3	conversation with Elise Lunan, whose new book is called Choosing Wholeness over Goodness,
1:23.7	I started to question something at the heart of every episode of this show.
1:35.8	We talk about feeding the good wolf, but maybe the real challenge is to become a whole wolf, not just a good wolf.
1:43.3	Today, Elise made me rethink what goodness can actually cost us, how much of ourselves we leave behind when we chase it.
1:45.5	We dig into the moments where envy can be useful, the roles we inherit, and the stories that keep us stuck. I'm Eric Zimmer, and this is the one
1:52.5	you feed. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at
1:58.3	audible.com.uk. U.K. slash Wondery. That'sco.com.uk slash Wondery. That's audible.com.
2:02.7	dot UK slash Wondery. Hi, Elise. Welcome to the show. Thank you for having me.
2:09.0	We are going to be discussing your book, which is called Choosing Wholeness over Goodness,
2:14.1	a process for reclaiming your full self, but we may also talk about your substack,
	...

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